The Authentic You

Perspective

2011-11-15T12:27:00.004-07:00

So much has been said, written, scrutinized, lamented, etc. about the present economy, but it's interesting to see different perspectives on the times we live in.

We know this is a difficult time for many business owners, yet several business gurus (especially for online businesses) are saying this is the perfect opportunity for starting a new business. Perspective.

Living in the NM high desert has given me a different way of looking at life than when I lived in the emerald forests of Atlanta. When things look bleak on the ground here (brown has never been a favorite color for me), I choose to look to the skies which are a brilliant blue about 360 days of the year.

It's not just a Pollyanna approach to life, it's a way of clearing my mind so I can think more clearly about what I need to do. A depressed mind hijacks creativity and solution finding.

So look around you, look up, look far and near for the next step you can take to make your life all it can be.

What's your take on perspective? Leave your comments and join the conversation!

It's Available!

2011-01-18T11:03:00.003-07:00

My book, The Authentic You: Becoming the Woman You Were Created to Be is now available!

Written to help women understand who they are and become even more than they thought they could be, it challenges readers to live intentionally, step up to big thinking, and make a positive difference in the world.

This faith-based book makes a great study for book clubs or for individuals to read on their own. Questions and activities at the end of each chapter help you in your journey of self-discovery.

Check it out on Amazon.com or contact me for more information. And if you like what you see, I'd love for you to write a review on Amazon.

Go out and do great things!

Creating Your Own Life Story

2010-09-11T14:08:00.008-06:00

(Photo of Arizona petroglyphs by Anita Lee)

I was reading some materials the other day from Dr. Dave Krueger (mentorpath.com) on creating a New Life Story, and I was reminded of how many times I've heard my coaching clients and others talking about wanting to do something beyond their grasp, knowing they couldn't do it. When I ask why they think they couldn't do it they admit to being stopped by voices emerging from the past telling them they aren't good enough.

I call this, "letting someone else write your autobiography." An autobiography is supposed to be written by the person who lived that life. (Yes, I know, many celebrities have had ghost writers step in to do the actual writing. I once heard a famous football player tell a reporter that he was misquoted in a recent book--which was an autobiography of the player! Oops.)

When it comes to deciding what our lives should look like, we have many choices. We can continue to live the way we always have, we can look around us and wish we could live like someone we admire, or we can take steps to become the person we were created to be.

It is our responsibility to create a masterpiece of our lives. We've been given all the right materials, but too often we're afraid to imagine who we could be and what we could do for others in the process. We're afraid to take even the first step toward becoming that masterpiece. "What if I fail?" "What if I look foolish in the process?" "What if..." There's no end to the "What if's."

How about asking, "What do I really want to do at this stage of my life?" "What are my gifts, abilities, and interests that can make a positive difference?"

A world of opportunities awaits us when we ask the right questions.

I'd love to hear what your aspirations are. By your sharing, you will impact the lives of others.

What's New with Me

2010-08-26T15:55:00.007-06:00

Wow, time sure flies, whether you're having fun or not. Actually, I have been having fun, but it's been wayyyyy too long since I blogged. So much to do, so little time--or is it that I don't use my time as wisely as I should? I'm sure I'm the only one who has that problem.

So, I'm trying to be true to my own teachings. It seems like the authentic thing to do--and I'm all about authenticity. I will soon launch my new website that will tell more about what I do to help women solo-preneurs and other professionals get out of their own way to attain success--their Authentic Success. By going to my website and signing up for my newsletter, you will soon get the added benefit of an overview of my "7 Keys to Authentic Success" system. I'm developing the various parts of this system to address different learning styles as well as time and financial capabilities of those who might be interested. Stay tuned!

Also, I'm closer to getting my book published. As some of you know, I had a contract with a traditional publisher for The Authentic You: Becoming the Woman You Were Created to Be. Unfortunately, when the economy tanked, my project (along with others) was dropped. Since then I have been exploring other options and am proud to say I expect this book to be out by January 2011. I am ready, willing and able to speak to groups of any size to get the word out that every woman is created to do great things with her life. Some will do it quietly and others will shout out loud. But when we are true to who we've been created to be, we will make a positive difference in the world and we will recognize our true worth.

I hope you've taken some time to pause and reflect on where you are in life and where you're headed. I do that best in places like the one pictured here. What about you?

GUEST ARTICLE: Stolen Identity by Kay Marshall Strom

2009-09-22T20:16:00.001-06:00

Enormous eyes in a bony-thin face, and a baggy green dress that dragged the ground. Because of all the cast-off children at the village school in India, the raggedy girl stood closest to our translator, he gently asked her, "What is your name?"

The girl stared.

"Your name. What is it?" the translator asked again.

The girl whispered her answer: "I have no name."

A child with no name. A little girl abandoned so young she could not even remember what her parents had called her. She grew up begging at the train platform, snatching up the scraps harried passengers dropped, watching other children picked off by traffickers. Now that she was seven or eight--perhaps even a scrawny nine--the traffickers had come for her. But the girl screamed and kicked and clawed so ferociously that someone called the police. Someone with clout, evidently, because the police came and pulled her away from the traffickers. Somebody in the crowd suggested that instead of putting the child in jail, the police might take her to the village school, which they did. They dropped her at the door and left.

Human trafficking, especially sex trafficking, is rampant around the world. We think of it as an eastern European problem, or Indian or Nepalese or Thai. It is. But it's also a Western problem. The U.S. State Department estimates between 14,500 and 17,500 people are trafficked into the Untied States each year, but concede that the real number is far higher. According to the U.S. Justice Department's head of the new human trafficking unit, there is now at least one case of trafficking in every state.

The little girl with no name was fortunate that someone responded to her screaming pleas. What would you do if you heard a child shriek for help? Of course, if she were a trafficking victim in this country, she wouldn't likely scream or kick. She would probably shrink away in terror, or act submissively. You might see wounds--cuts, bruises, burns. Perhaps what would catch your attention would be the constant work: babysitting, cooking, washing dishes, scrubbing floors--never just being a child. Or maybe you couldn't say exactly what was wrong--only that something about the child's situation made you profoundly uneasy.

Please, please, if you suspect a person is being trafficked, call 911 and report it. Yes, it is okay. Yes, even it you are mistaken. In fact, eighteen states require citizens to report possible child abuse or neglect of any kind.

In the 1700s, Quakers led the fight against the African slave trade. In 1885, the Salvation Army took up the abolition banner, and since then it has led the fight against a different kind of slavery. More and more, 21st century abolitionists are followers of Christ determined to see slavery of all kinds ended in our day.

Oh yes... Before I left the school in India, I asked if we might give the little girl a name. She is now Grace.

About the Author:

Author Kay Marshall Strom has two great loves: writing and helping others achieve their own writing potential. Kay has written thirty-six published books including Daughters of Hope: Stories of Witness and Courage in the Face of Persecution and In the Presence of the Poor. She's also authored numerous magazine articles, and two screenplays. While mostly a nonfiction writer, the first book of her historical novel trilogy Grace in Africa has met with acclaim. Kay speaks at seminars, retreats, writers' conferences, and special events throughout the country and around the world. She is in wide demand as an instructor and keynote speaker at major writing conferences. She also enjoys speaking aboard cruise ships in exchange for exotic cruise destinations.

Schedule Kay for an interview or request her book for review by contacting Kathy Carlton Willis Communications at WillisWay@aol.com or call 956-642-6319.

Interview with Elisa Morgan, author of She Did What She Could

2009-09-22T19:48:00.004-06:00

Elisa Morgan is a nationally recognized speaker and the author of more than fifteen books, including the best–selling What Every Mom Needs and Mom's Devotional Bible. Elisa has served as CEO of MOPS International since 1989. She is also the publisher of MomSense and FullFill magazines and is a frequent contributor to Christianity Today. Elisa is married to Evan (vice president of strategic development for RBC Ministries, known internationally for Our Daily Bread, and founder of christiancourses.com). They have two grown children and one grandchild and live in Centennial, Colorado.

What is the premise behind your new book, She Did What She Could?
Most of us care deeply about the needs around us – poverty, injustice, everyday concerns of those in our families and in our offices and in our neighborhoods. But faced with the challenges of getting food on the table and children to and from activities and keeping up with our jobs etc, we feel more than a little overwhelmed. Who has the time or the energy to start another nonprofit or to participate in yet another celebrity-help-the-world-athon? We conclude we have to do something BIG to make a difference. Not true. We don’t have to do something BIG to make a difference. In a Bible story where Mary of Bethany anoints Jesus with a beautiful gift of perfume before his death, Jesus applauds her action saying, “She did what she could.” We can make a difference every day by simply doing what we could in the given moment before us.

When did the idea for this book/movement come to you?
I’d been reading what I call the “Girl Stories” in the gospels – stories where a woman is the main character. I was stopped in my tracks by Mary’s acting out her love for Jesus and by his pairing her action with the gospel. Mary lived loved. She acted out her faith by doing something with who she was and what she had in a moment that mattered. At the same time I was reading that story, I was suddenly overwhelmed by issues in our world like the HIV-AIDS pandemic and poverty and needs everywhere I turned. I began to think about the power of one of us acting and then another and another. I began to prayerfully wonder – what if I did what I could – just like Mary did? And then each of us did what we could? The whole world could be changed!

What percentage of church members are active in ministry?
It’s reported that 20% of the people do 80% of the work.

What reasons do you think members have for not serving?
Lots of folks don’t participate due to the busyness of life and the perception that unless we do something BIG it won’t make a difference. We feel guilty that we can’t do MORE. We feel inadequate because we aren’t more godly - or because of something hidden in our past. We feel incompetent because we aren’t trained. We’re tired and overwhelmed. And then there’s the fact that lots of us aren’t even “members” of a church. We’re not sure what to do with church – even though we love Jesus. We have a million struggles that keep us from “doing”. SDWSC gives a bite-size offering to everyone to participate in living out our faith and making a difference.

Do you feel that many church members are intimidated by those who are very involved at church?
You bet. If you’re not in the “in crowd” or gifted with public gifts like teaching or are marginalized in some way, it’s WAY intimidating to step up and say, "Hey, I’d like to help." SDWSC welcomes ALL to join in and act. It refreshes those who are weary in well-doing as well.

In the book, you point out that this message of everyone doing what they can is Biblical. What story are you referring to specifically?
The story is told in Mark 14 but is also told in Matthew and John as well. Just before Jesus’ death on the cross for the sins of all humankind, Mary of Bethany took a jar of nard, a very expensive perfume, and poured it on Jesus – as a symbol of anointing his body before his death. In a moment when the gesture would mean the most to him. You get the impression that Mary hadn’t really planned out this action. It seems more spontaneous. And while the nard was expensive, that wasn’t the main point. Mary acted out of her understanding that Jesus really was the Christ and he really loved her. She wanted to give back. She took what she had – nard – and acted with it in a moment that mattered to Jesus and to the world. She did what she could.

You’ve shared your message with the MOPS organization. What has the response been so far to the SDWSC (She Did What She Could) movement?
Moms are passionate about being the best moms they can be. They’re also passionate to make a difference in their world. They know that they may not be able to do something GIANT in the day to day of raising children. SDWSC gives them a methodology for acting in a way that matters in their daily lives. With a neighbor or a coworker. With a child. To care for the earth. To reach out to someone who has less and needs more. Moms have pasted the SDWSC flare on their Facebook pages and are telling the SDWSC stories, encouraging others to do what they can as well.

How do you hope churches and ministries will use your message to mobilize their members?
Those who’ve never served can be invited to join in with the practical – doable – message of SDWSC. And those who are weary in well-doing can be encouraged that Jesus doesn’t ask us to do EVERYTHING or ALL but rather WHAT we could do.

How do you hope readers can change their lives with your message?
She did what she could (SDWSC) is a mantra that rules my days as opportunities come before me. I run each through the grid of SDWSC. Is it something that I can uniquely handle? Is it a moment that matters NOW? Will I make a difference if I do WHAT I could – not ALL or EVERYTHING I could? I hope and pray that readers will do the same. She did what she could. When I do what I could and you do what you could and we do what we could – we can change the world. We can be the body of Christ in action, on the earth, demonstrating individually and together what it means to live loved.

Tricia Goyer's Sunflower Serenade

2009-08-24T14:07:00.002-06:00

Tricia Goyer is the author of twenty books, including From Dust and Ashes, My Life UnScripted and the children’s book, 10 Minutes to Showtime. She won Historical Novel of the Year in 2005 and 2006 from ACFW, and was honored with the Writer of the Year award from Mount Hermon Writer’s Conference in 2003. Tricia’s book Life Interrupted was a finalist for the Gold Medallion in 2005. In addition to her novels, Tricia writes non-fiction books and magazine articles for publications like Today’s Christian Woman and Focus on the Family. Tricia is a regular speaker at conventions and conferences, and has been a workshop presenter at the MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International Conventions. She and her family make their home in the mountains of Montana.

For more information about Tricia and to learn of her availability for speaking, go to www.triciagoyer.com.

"Home to Heather Creek" is a new fiction series from Guideposts written by various authors. Tricia Goyer has penned the twelfth in the series, Sunflower Serenade. This charming book about life on a farm in Nebraska chronicles the lives of Bob and Charlotte Stevenson who are rearing three of their grandchildren after the death of their daughter. Life on the farm is vastly different from the kids' previous experiences living in San Diego and they struggle to fit in.

When the fair comes to town, all the inhabitants of Bedford gear up for the most exciting event of the year. The usual activities are interrupted by the arrival of country music star, Shae Lynne, who films a music video at Heather Creek Farm. This juxtaposition of small town life with Nashville glamour threatens to disrupt many lives.

To learn more about Sunflower Serenade and the other books in the "Home to Heather Creek" series, go to www.guideposts.org/heathercreek. Or to order Tricia's book, call 1-800-431-2344.

Starting the Next 40 Years

2009-08-10T12:43:00.003-06:00

Hubby and I just returned from our weekend get-away to Colorado, celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. How amazing is that? He has put up with me for this long! He's told our friends that he's starting on the second 40 years and after those 40 years if he's not pleased he'll turn me in for another model. Looks like I'd better be on my best behavior.

We can't figure out how we can be so young and have that many years under our belts. Forty years ago we couldn't even have imagined what life would be like by now. And we certainly wouldn't have thought it could be so vibrant and exciting. The way I see it, the best is yet to come!

Interview with Karen Mayer Cunningham author of Defying Autism, a Miraculous Story of Hope

2009-06-30T15:34:00.003-06:00

NOTE: I will be giving away a copy of Karen's book. You may either leave a message on this site or email me at Anita@AnitaCLee.com to be entered in the drawing.

And now for the interview--

Karen, you have a real mix of talents in addition to being an author. Will you please tell us about yourself?
I am a stand up comic and speaker with a passion to impart truth and hope to people and to remind them that God is still purposed to have them move into their destiny.

Your new book, Defying Autism, is about your son, James. Will you tell us a little about him?
James is my first born, the apple of my eye. He was born right on time, perfect in every way. He progressed and hit all of the appropriate markers ahead of time. He was one of those very easy babies that you could pass to anyone and he was still a happy baby. He was pointing and babbling at a year, and into everything!

He sounds adorable! At what point, did you start to notice that something was wrong?
We took James in for his 18-month check up and shots, after which his behavior took a dramatic, turn for the worse. When we brought him home, he would run to the same spot in the hall and stand with his back to the wall and slam his head backwards into the sheetrock. To say this was upsetting was an understatement, but then I thought maybe this is the dreaded terrible twos, or little boys are rough. So we would redirect him and send him on his way. The redirecting stopped working; it was though he could not stop behaving this way. He had many other strange habits, obsessive behaviors that began to appear. He would eat the little pieces of sheetrock, where he had actually put a hole in the sheetrock, he pulled the wallpaper off and ate it, he pulled up the corners of the carpet and ate the foam underneath it, he ate the rubber lining out of our car doors, he watched videos for hours standing in front of the TV.

What did you do? Who did you go to for help?
First we went to other parents of children. I owned a salon so I had the free advice every hour from women who had “already been through it.” I wanted to believe as they all said, that this is a phase, this is the two’s, little boys do strange things. We then went to professionals, pediatricians, speech therapists, ENT specialists, pediatric specialists, state agencies, MHMR and of course our church for lots and lots of prayer.

What can you tell us about autism?
Autism is a severely handicapping disorder that begins at birth or within the first two and half years of life. For many years autism occurred in 5 out of 10,000 births, however since the early 1990’s the rate is now calculated at 1 in 150 births. Most autistic children are perfectly normal in appearance, but spend their time in disturbing behaviors, which are marked differently from those of normal children. They may stare into space for hours, throw uncontrollable tantrums, show no interest in people, including their parents, and pursue strange repetitive activities with no apparent purpose. They have been described as living in a world of their own. Some autistic children have remarkable giftings in certain areas such as music or mathematics, and all need help.

What was your greatest fear?
My greatest fear was losing my child at five or ten years, or as an adult, to an institution. I would watch the movie Rain Main over and over again and assume that would be the best outcome for my son.

What was a typical day like for you and your family?
A typical day for us would be James being up before we woke with a video in and grunting for what he wanted. He would only eat a few foods, several times a day he would throw up to let you know he didn’t want or like something.

Crying, tantrums and fits filled the day from sunup to bedtime. His fits had no beginning and sometimes it felt as if there would be no end. In the spring of 2000, when he was almost 6, he was still in a diaper, on a bottle and only spoke 20 words.

Did school help James?
School did help James; he did much better with a strict structured environment. The opposite of that however, is that it is hard to duplicate that environment at home with a family. School helped James academically, but not emotionally or socially.

Did church help James, or you?
Unfortunately, church did not help James at all. My husband and I were music ministers and would fill-in at churches that were looking for a fulltime staff person. This meant a lot of changes every few months – new locations, new staff, and new strange glares inferring what a bad mother I must be for my baby boy to behave in such a way. Church turned into a place I dreaded and had been such a place of family and belonging before.

What was the turning point for you in this journey?
Having heard the weekly cry of my heart for help for my child, one of my clients recommended a ministry team, a deliverance team, Gospel Revelation Ministries. I didn’t know what deliverance was, but I had no doubt I needed some. I went through personal deliverance and then followed with James in the spring of 2000. I was terrified but they said that God said he was going to be healed, so I stood with their faith. As we brought James into to the room for deliverance, he began to thrash and point to the door to leave, he was ready to go. The team prayed and laid hands on him. They said that the first demonic curse would have to go in Jesus’ name to the dry places. With that, my son reached his hand out and screamed, “come back, come back, come back, come back!!!” He was calling out for the demons that were leaving him. That was the turning point!

So, what was next?
The first thing I did was the most difficult. I changed my mind.

I changed what I believed that God could –and would – do if petitioned. I changed what I thought about the stories in the Bible. I changed my belief in what is available to us, TODAY, by the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross.

When I began to be open to the truth of the scriptures, and not just what someone else said I should believe, or someone else’s interpretation of the scriptures for me, then…the Word of God began to truly be a light unto my path.

That was several years ago. How is James today?
James is wonderful! He is 15 years old going into the 9th grade. He’s six feet tall and an amazing athlete. God’s promise is that he will restore our minds daily and James has caught up with remarkable speed. He is still about 2 ½ years behind academically, and in three resource classes, but is making up lost ground daily. He is completely healed from the oppression of autism.

What do the professionals say?
Doctors say it is something, maybe higher than what they have in the medical field. It is nothing short of a miracle!

What can families hope for who have children with autism?
Families can believe and stand for their loved one’s healing. Jesus is in the miracle working business. He healed James.

James’ story could be anyone’s story. I was not the “good” Christian, but I stood, no matter what, believing for my child’s healing. Your healing may be through diet, environmental changes, behavioral changes, or even the way James was healed. However it comes, do not waver from the promises of God. Exodus 15 says, “I am the Lord your God who heals all of your diseases.” He is Jehovah Rapha, our God who heals. If it is in His name, it is in His will!

Karen, where can our readers get a copy of your book, or find out how to have you come and speak for their group or organization?
They can find out more about my book and speaking information on my website at KarenMayer.org. I would love to hear from any of you who are dealing with autism in your family or among your friends. I hope you are encouraged by our story – that there is hope, healing, and freedom for your situation.

Thelma Wells’ Ready to Win "Don’t Give In…God Wants YOU to Win!"

2009-06-03T22:33:00.005-06:00

About Thelma Wells--
From times of singing in a dark closet to the founding of a national women’s mentoring ministry, Thelma Wells' life has been a courageous journey of faith. The name on her birth certificate read simply: Baby Girl Morris. Thelma’s mother was a severely deformed teenager with no husband and no place to go, since her own abusive mother insisted that she take the baby and leave the house. So when the baby was born, her unwed teenage mother found work as a maid cleaning “the big house” while living with her baby daughter in servants’ quarters. Eventually, the baby went to live with her great-grandparents, who called her Thelma Louise Smith and loved her dearly. They took little Thelma to church, where she learned to love the hymns and praise songs.

Thelma grew up to become a trailblazer for black women, a prominent international speaker and author. As a student at North Texas State University in Denton, Texas, now the University of North Texas, (one of my alma maters!), she was a member of the first group of girls to integrate the school’s dormitories. She earned her Bachelor’s degree there and eventually received a Master’s of Ministry from Master’s International School of Divinity in Evansville, Indiana. In 2002 she became the school’s first black female professor.
In 1980 Thelma became the first black woman in the South to organize her own international speaking and consulting corporation. Her natural talent for public speaking and storytelling attracted the attention of the Women of Faith Tour, and in 1996 she became the first black core speaker for the organization. She has authored several books, including God Is Not Through With Me Yet, an inspiring examination of her own life experiences in which she encourages readers to “sing in the closets of their lives.” She serves as the president of The Daughters of Zion Leadership Mentoring Program, an organization she founded in 2000 (another first for a black woman). Through this ministry, “Mama T,” as she is affectionately called, has mentored over 100 spiritual daughters, received an honorary doctorate degree and was ordained into the Christian Ministry on December 16, 2008, from St. Thomas Christian College and Theological Seminary and the Association of Christian Churches in Jacksonville, Florida. She was also was named Extraordinary Woman of the Year 2008 by Mrs. Julie Clinton, Host of the Extraordinary Women Conferences an affiliate of the American Association of Christian Counselors.
Thelma has been married to George Wells, her best friend, supporter, and encourager, for over 45 years. The couple lives in Dallas, Texas, and has three children, eight grandchildren, and two great-grandchildren.

OPENING: I’m delighted to be here today to visit with you and your readers, and share about a topic that is dear to my heart.

Thelma, you have had a successful banking and corporate career. You’ve spoken all over the country and around the world, done a lot of radio interviews, had your own television show, and written a lot of books. Many of our readers will be familiar with you from the Women of Faith conferences. It seems you’ve “done it all.” So when you left Women of Faith in February 2008, what was it that you were leaving them to do?
Actually, I really did not fully understand what I was going to do. I was simply following the very clear instructions of God that it was time to go. I had a few speaking engagements on my calendar but certainly not enough to make ends meet. My total dependence was on God and waiting to see what He had in store for me.

Your new book, Don’t Give In…God Wants YOU to Win!, is based on a real life experience. Will you tell us a little of that story?
I was in elementary school when one of my friends told people she was going to beat me up. I could not understand why but it was real. After school for two days I faced a crowd hungry to see a fight and a girl who I thought was my friend hit me and frighten me to tears. On the second day of my fighting ordeal my great grandmother, who raised me, gave me some strong advice, “Thelma, the only way to deal with a bully is to fight them. You better fight her tomorrow and beat her up. If not, you’re going to get a whipping when you get home. That was the determining factor. My Granny, who had taught me that ladies don’t fight, had just reversed the instruction to “fight the bully.”

I did fight her the third day and hit her hard, so she ran home, not me. I learned that when we are faced with the bully, the adversary, the enemy of our souls, the devil himself, the only way to win is to fight him with all the ammunition we have, the Whole Armor of God.

This book is about spiritual warfare, demons, the Holy Spirit, and some pretty heavy-duty areas. Why write on this topic?
In this day and age when all around us seems to failing, like our economic system, the government, relationships, health, self-worth, business and workplace situations, the church, wayward children, divorce and so much more, it is imperative that people have something sturdy and reliable to hold on to. Everyday we are fighting some kind of battle small, great or tremendous. When we don’t know how to fight against the disappointment, heartache, confusion, depression, and all the emotional and spiritual fall-out from these issues, we become desperate, violent, vicious and vile. John 10:10 tells us that the thief comes to kill, steal and destroy us. But, Jesus has come to give us life and that life more abundantly than the feelings of no hope. This book teaches about the only hope we have and how to use that hope physically, emotionally and spiritually with a guarantee that we are winners when we do.

Will you share with us the chapter titles?
Introduction: Time for Questions
Chapter One: Know How to Fight, but Never Start One
Chapter Two: Fight or Flight?
Chapter Three: Breakdown for a Blessing
Chapter Four: Weeds in the Garden
Chapter Five: Thelma’s Untold Rituals
Chapter Six: The Dynamic Duo
Chapter Seven: The Battle Is Not Yours
Chapter Eight: Winning Weapons
Chapter Nine: Fix Your Hair!
Chapter Ten: Pad Your Bra!
Chapter Eleven: Tighten Your Girdle!
Chapter Twelve: Put On Your Stomping Shoes!
Something Extra: More Winning Weapons

You’ve been known as the BEE lady, but it seems you’re evolving into more than that? Where do you see your ministry heading in the future?
God has so many surprises for me that my heart is overflowing. I have a teaching and preaching anointing that has made my ministry one of integrity and worth. God is doing great things in my life and reinventing some vital things that will be seen by everybody in a few weeks. He has guaranteed me that the international travel I’ve done over the past thirty years, the seeds I’ve sown over my lifetime, the barriers and tough times I’ve overcome are about to pay off in many different ways. He has put Christian people in my life that have and are changing the course of my life in great and wonderful ways. I will be taking a group to Israel next November, on other Ready to Win tours throughout the world, working with World Vision in their child sponsorship program, presenting mini Ready To Win Conferences throughout the world, and whatever else the Lord assigns me to do.

Congratulations on your first Ready to Win Conference. We heard you had an awesome weekend in Garland, TX with a great group of speakers, musical artists, and attendees. Having done so many conferences in the past, why do another conference?
This is not just another conference. This Ready To Win Conference does not just excite people or create positive thinking, it gives everyone, saved and unsaved, the winning weapons to fight off all the wicked in this world. People are not only encouraged to win the war against the evil one, they are given easy to understand tools that they have reported are so vivid in their minds that they can apply every day in every situation. Coming together in a group and learning these tried and true skills is so much easier to understand than writing it in a book or seeing it on DVD. The reports have been that this works because they were able to see it, hear it, feel it, and use it instantly and forever. In today’s world, another conference is not what we are about. We are about people joining together from different denominations, ethnicities, geographic locations, languages, and thought systems and getting insight and instruction that can bring people of all walks of life together to become a mighty army against the forces of evil.

As a follow up, how can people get the Ready to Win Conference to their area?
People all over the world can contact me at contactus@thelmawells.com and we will get back with them with the details of how the Ready To Win Conference can come to their area.

In your book, Don’t Give In…God Wants YOU to Win!, you talk about doing rituals as it relates to fighting the good fight of faith. Will you explain that word to us and give us an example?
The word ritual is used to denote the routines we have in our daily lives like fixing our hair, dressing ourselves, and being prepared for the day. It means nothing more than that and nothing mysterious that would attract any evil forces.

Spiritual warfare and putting on the armor of God is a daily activity for you. Is this because you’re a nationally known Christian speaker and author, or is this something that everyone should be aware of?
Spiritual warfare is the state of our lives whatever and whoever you are. We fight against anger, gluttony, smoking, frustration, and everything else that can make us less than our best. The warfare that we are in daily is because we live in a fallen world where Satan thinks he has power. Each and every day he tries to confuse us into thinking that things are unfixable, out of control, etc. He is the greatest liar of all times and he lays tricks in our minds, if we let him. From the moment we were born until the day we die we will be fighting spiritual warfare. However, the good news is…people who have accepted Jesus as their Savior never have to fight alone. The end of the story is that Jesus and His people win and the devil is a number one loser!

Thelma, this book was released at a perfect time. So many people are struggling just to survive. They’ve lost jobs, money, health, marriages, and more. Many just want to give up! What can we do if we are in those situations to prepare for victory in the battle of life?

When you’re in a battle these are the things that must be done in order to win:

Put on the helmet of salvation to cover your thought life.

Put on the breastplate of righteousness to guard your heart against the devil and sin.

Put on the girdle of Truth so that you will be able to understand what real truth is and be able to use the Sword of the Spirit (The Word of God – the Bible) in every situation as Jesus did when He was tempted by the devil on the mountain.

Put on the shoes that have prepared you with the preparation of peace so you can march and stay fit as you tell other people about the goodness and the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Hold up the shield of faith believing that God will keep every Promise He made for our good.

Pray for each other and for ourselves by asking God for what we need, seeking His perfect will in all we do and knocking continually until we know God has answered our prayers. We must realize that God does not answer all our prayers the way we want Him to but whatever way He answers them, they are for our good and for His glory.

Praise God with thanksgiving for all He has done and will do for us. The worship of God brings us into an atmosphere of being able to fight the good fight of faith and WIN.

Where/how does “submitting to God and the devil will flee from you” fit into spiritual warfare?

God asks us to do a simple thing, trust Him enough to give Him all of us. That’s hard to do when you try to control your life yourself. It really amounts to us (you and me) worshipping ourselves instead of worshipping God. When we live in humble submission to God, Satan will try to attack, but God is our Protector. This is not a one-time submission to God. Everyday and sometimes during the day we must ask Him to lead us not into temptation and to protect us from evil because evil is always near. We are told to pray without ceasing. This means that we must stay in the attitude of prayer 24/7. It’s simple but it presents a challenge for us because we are so distracted by our day, our desires, our dreams, our relationships, etc. that we often forget that none of this would be possible were it not for the Lord who grants it. Submission means to let God be the driving force and the guiding force in our lives and trust Him that He will do exceedingly abundantly over and above what we can ask or think according to His power that works in us. The most peaceful, contented condition of my life is when I actually and earnestly turned my entire life over to the direction of God. I can now recognize when Satan tries to tempt me, confuse me, and drive me into doing or saying things I should not. It has come about with trust in God and practice of His word. Satan will attack but God will counter-act.

Most of us are familiar with the list of spiritual weapons available for us to use as listed in Ephesians 6. You have a way to remember these that might be more relevant to today’s woman – as a mom, wife, business woman, etc. Will you share these five things with us that you do daily when you’re getting “dressed” in the morning?

Thelma, it seems you are all over the Internet these days. Anyone can find you on your web site, Facebook, Twitter, web casts, a blog tour, the You Go Girl Network, and other cutting edge things with technology. Why is it important for you to use all these various methods to spread your message?

Technology is the way God planned for us to get His message to the world according to Matthew 28:19.

How did you get the name, Mama T?
A young lady in my church named me that because she thought that was a fitting name for me and it has become a loving name for the ladies in my mentoring groups.

So what’s next for Mama T and Ready to Win?

My website (ThelmaWells.com) is being reinvented to a teaching tool for people to learn more and more about how to win the battles of life. There will be powerful tools available, I will be personally speaking with people and many other changes that will enlighten, encourage, inform, influence and empower people to fight the good fight and win.

Where can our readers buy your new book and register for the webcast?
On my web site, which is ThelmaWells.com. They can click on the July RTW On-line Web cast button to learn more or register for the next series of web casts that start on July 7. You can also watch this video to learn more…click here.

My new book, Don’t Give In – God Wants YOU To Win! is also available online and at local bookstores such as, Family Christian Stores, Lifeway Christian Stores, Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble Book Stores, Mardel’s, Anchor Distributors, Christianbook.com, and many other stores and vendors throughout American and the United Kingdom.

Is there anything that we didn’t ask that you’d like to share with us?

In all we’ve said, we need to remember that Jesus loves YOU and has a plan for your life. This plan includes you living a life free from worry and anxiety. God is in control of everything. When we trust in Him, give Him our lives to guide, seek the will of the Father, ask Jesus to be the Lord and Master of our lives, and accept the guidance of the Holy Spirit, we are winners and nobody or nothing can take that away from us!

CLOSING:
Thank you, darling, for having me today on your blog. I hope you and your readers will visit my web site at ThelmaWells.com. And remember always be READY TO WIN!

2009-05-13T14:31:00.003-06:00

Following is an interview with Candy Wood Lindley, an amazing woman, whose book, Face of Faith, will inspire you to become the authentic woman of God you are called to be!

Candy, you have written Face of Faith. What is it about?
When I was thirty years old, I was hospitalized for the removal of a pea-sized cyst in the nasal cavity. Instead, I was diagnosed with an inoperable malignant tumor the size of a baseball situated underneath the brain in the center of the head in an inoperable area of the head. Grade-three bone cancer is not receptive to chemotherapy or radiation. They told me that I could lose the right side of my face.

I had always thought that I was a Christian, but I had never really surrendered my life to the Lordship of Jesus Christ. In the hospital room that night I was finally at the end of Candy - emotionally, mentally, and physically. I asked God to totally take over my life.

My circumstances didn’t change, but God began to change my heart to one seeking His will only for my life, whatever that might be.

Two weeks later I met with a craniofacial surgeon at the Mayo Clinic. He was very upfront about my surgery and my prognosis. No sugar coating.

He explained that he would cut across the top of the head and down the middle of the face enabling him to peel back both sides of the face and remove the greater portion of my face including the forehead bone, the right cheekbone, and the nose. He could hopefully remove the bulk of the tumor, buying me some time. He would not replace the bones to the face. I would wake up severely deformed and blind in the right eye, probably the left.

Miraculously, he instead attempted to remove the tumor in its entirety, and it worked. Even more miraculously, he took the bones to the face that had been thrown in the trash and reconstructed my face. I had a new face. And was cancer free.

What goes through someone’s mind when they are told they have an inoperable tumor in the center of the head and could lose the right side of their face? You were thirty years old. That’s pretty overwhelming.
For me, the will to live took over. That stubborn will to fight no matter what the odds.

There were complications after that first surgery. What did that involve?

Seven months after the first surgery, infection spread throughout the forehead bone and forehead skin. I was put in isolation. Five weeks later and four more surgeries, I returned home weighing 79 pounds with a shaved head, sunken in forehead, and two skin graphs on the front and back of the head.

Two years later on a routine check up trip to the Mayo Clinic, the tumor recurred. Same place. This time the size of a raspberry. So they did the whole first surgery again

During those three years of nine surgeries and frequent trips to the Mayo Clinic, did you ever ask God “Why me?” Were you ever angry with God?
I never asked God “Why me?” I did ask what was going on? I didn’t understand. I asked why He was allowing so much in my life, but not so much why it was happening to ME. Yes, I was angry with God often. Thankfully someone informed me that God could handle my anger.

How do you address the importance that society has put on beauty?
There is nothing wrong with wanting to look the best that you can look. I personally have always enjoyed experimenting with makeup and getting professional makeovers, especially now that I am facially disfigured. I want to make the most of what I have. But at the end of the day for me, the make up comes off and the hairpieces come off. If my confidence depended on beauty, I could be devastated. And many facially disfigured people are.

In a world obsessed with perfection of the outer appearance and makeovers of every kind, God is more interested in a different kind of makeover – one that lasts – a makeover of the heart. That’s what happened with me. He began a makeover of my heart. And He’s still working on me!!

How did your husband handle the stress of your illness and the new Candy?

Unfortunately ours was not a happy marriage before I was ever sick. It was an emotionally abusive household. After twenty-four years of marriage, Lee filed for divorce.

Candy, you have experienced emotional pain and physical pain. Which is more difficult?
Physical pain is difficult– especially chronic pain. It is wearing and can affect a person emotionally as well. But there are medications for pain.

But the emotional pain of abuse is sometimes more difficult, I think. You can’t take a pill for it. It requires a lot of time and counseling. Only the Lord can heal the broken heart and enable us to forgive.

Where can we find out more about you and this book?
Please visit my web site at faceoffaithbook.com.

Thank you for letting me visit with your readers today!

Interview with Jacob Israel, author of THE CALLING

2009-04-10T12:36:00.004-06:00

NOTE: This was a difficult book for me because I gave up reading dark novels years ago when I realized the images stayed in my mind long after the book was closed. But I like the message that Jacob Israel speaks personally about coming out from behind the mask and being our true selves--our authentic selves (as I talk about in my book, The Authentic You). So with a warning that this book is not for the faint of heart, here's an interview with the author. ACL

Jacob Israel is unlike many authors we meet today. His compelling writing style brings the reader along a fantastic journey that may stay with them for many years to come. I was excited to spotlight him here and I believe you will find, like his book, there is more to Jacob Israel than meets the eye.

For the readers who don’t know you, tell us a bit about yourself.
JACOB: I’m a father to three amazing children and a husband to a wife I adore. I’m someone that has been through a lot in life and grateful for every moment of it. The good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly, all paved the way to become who I am.

Professionally, I’m an Emmy, Telly, and N.R.B. Award winning television writer and producer, who has been blessed with a steady creative career since graduating university. However, that is not who I am.

Most my life, I was one of those people who wore a mask to fit in. I felt very alone, alienated from those around me. Looking back, I understand why. Everything I’ve endured had great purpose. Never meeting my biological father, coping with a severe case of Crohn’s disease, suffering abuse and abandonment, losing everything, it all played its part to humble me and get me where I am today. I spent the majority of my life questioning the meaning of it, learning that it is better to love than to hate, to give rather than receive, to be content and compassionate.
As a young adult, I was most comfortable on stage. I won a dramatic scholarship to university and that is where I found my love for the written word. It would be years, and many performances of my original works later, that I would actually dare pursue a career in writing.
Today, I couldn’t be happier with that career choice, I am constantly challenged and rewarded by it. There is nothing better than sitting down to write something that, you pray, will make a difference in someone’s life. This was the impetus for my novel.

Let’s talk about that, why did you write THE CALLING?
JACOB: I wanted desperately to share a story of how love and forgiveness can overcome all things, even the most horrible. I had to write THE CALLING. I believe I was meant to write it. I had the seed of the story burning inside me most of my life, but it wasn’t until devastating circumstances in my life about four years ago made it possible for me to sit down and write it.
It was a very dark and hard time, but a lot of beauty rose from those ashes, and I would not trade that experience for anything. It’s the reason I chose such a dark and fearful cover. There are too many things in life keeping us from following after our dreams and finding peace. Fear is the enemy of joy. It destroys relationships, hopes, families… it destroy lives. Allegorically, that is why the woods in THE CALLING are dead.

I wanted to write something that would provoke thought and encourage readers to move past fear and into faith, to seek the life I believe we’re meant to live while keeping them guessing and entertained along the way.

You mentioned allegory, some have compared your novel to The Shack and Pilgrim’s Progress, is that a fair comparison?

Well, I hope it is. I can only pray it has a positive impact on those who read it. As for comparing it, that wouldn’t really be up to me. But, yes, there is a story beneath the story that is told. So, in that aspect, sure, there are similarities.

For years, I have studied scripture as well as many other philosophies and religious texts. Of course, the Bible has been my biggest creative influence, not to mention the spiritual. I love the revelation one receives when the heavens of our understanding open up and we finally understand what that verse (that we couldn’t understand) finally means. “It is glory of God to conceal a thing, and honor of Kings to seek out the matter.”

In my novel, there are many hidden treasures for those with “eyes to see” if you will.
Although, there is no need to look deeper, because I believe the message, intrigue, and suspense are loud and clear. It still is very rewarding, I think, to find the more veiled spiritual meaning but that’s up to the reader. From anagrams, to events, locations, names, to the title of the book, and even (clears throat) the author’s name, there is a reason for it all. Like, for example's sake, if one were to string every chapter title together, it might be cool if there were a hidden message there, wink, wink, nudge, nudge.

What does the title of the Book mean?
JACOB: Well, I believe all of us have a calling on our lives, a purpose we are to carry out. Thomas James, the lead character in the novel is no different. His purpose is a bit grander than most, however. He doesn’t truly understand the significance of what he is called to do. The novel documents the first eighteen years of the boy’s life. He’s haunted by nightmares of what may come, visited by strange messengers, abused, alienated, and abandoned, yet despite his circumstances he has an uncanny ability to love and forgive. Thomas is ever questioning the role he is to play and his circumstances. Perhaps, Thomas was “called” to be that “voice in the dead woods” the title speaks of, calling people out of the deep sleep that keeps them from finding out who they truly are.

You mention the first eighteen years of Thomas’s life, the book does lend to a sequel, will we hear from Thomas again?
JACOB: Sure, THE CALLING is the first novel in a series. Before the Prologue you’ll find two pages with two peculiar quotes. One states, “Your life is not what it appears to be, what will happen when the truth is poured out on a world that is deceived?”

What is interesting about this passage is, it is credited to “The Book Of Thomas James” in the year 2012.

Most may skim past passages like this, but like I said, there’s a reason for everything. So keep your eyes peeled for the next book in the series to released in the next year or two.

Who will this book appeal to?
JACOB: First of all, let’s talk age appropriate. I am excited to hear how varied the ages are of those who love the book. I’m most surprise with those age twelve and up. I wanted the book to appeal to a large demographic. So, to have a younger generation also excited about an allegorical fiction with a mature spiritual message and theme is a dream come true.

As far as, what type of person should read THE CALLING, I believe anyone who is not fulfilled in life, who wants more from entertainment than just escape, anyone who has suffered, or experienced great loss and didn’t understand why. I think, whole heartedly this is the book for you. You will relate with Thomas’s struggle, you will be encouraged by what comes out of it, and inspired by how anything is possible with faith and love.

So, what is THE CALLING A VOICE IN THE DEAD WOODS about?
JACOB: THE CALLING is an inspirational thriller about a twelve-year boy named Thomas James, whose extraordinary insight and purpose changes the lives of those he meets, and sets the world on its edge.

The self absorbed, greedy, and arrogant residents of Bethel begin to despise young Thomas James for the honest words he speaks. His peers torment him, strange messengers visit him, and an evil presence fights to destroy him every step along the way.

Thomas suffers from prophetic nightmares and visions he does not understand. The loss of his family is almost more than he can take. His internal struggle to make sense of his circumstances leads him down a perilous road, where nothing is as it seems.

Soon, the startling revelation of who Thomas James truly is will confound the masses and inspire all those he sets free.

You have to find out what is in us all that makes us heed the “Calling”.

Where is the book available and how do we find out more about it?
JACOB: You know my website is a great place to start. It is http://www.jacobisrael.org/ and it has video trailers, a synopsis, sample chapters, reviews, links to purchase it online and general info about upcoming events, news, etc. I also do a bi-weekly video journal posted in the author section. Like the book, I hid messages, inspirational poetry, and lots of other fun stuff to find on the web site. The book is available everywhere books are sold, if you can’t find it at your local bookstore, see if they can order it for you, and if not, all the major online retailers, from amazon.com to target.com carry it as well.

In closing, what do you want the readers of THE CALLING to take away from this book?
Obviously, I hope they enjoy it and are entertained. However, the most important thing to me is that, those who read it will find that even in the hardest, and most difficult of times, there is hope. Hope…that is what I want people to take away from this book.

Here are some links to learn more
WEBSITE: http://www.jacobisrael.org/
TRAILER: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n3qjXBv50z4&feature=channel_page

Step Into Your Future: A Businesswoman’s Path to Profits

2009-03-23T14:34:00.005-06:00

Rosemary Regier-Hossenlopp, author, shows how to make success a process.

“What specific incident inspired you to gather together this information and put together a book?
Rosemary Regier-Hossenlopp: Let’s face it, being a Small Business Owner is HARD. You don’t have time to focus. You’re stressed and you rush around. You’re all over the place; catching planes, picking up kids and completing proposals and contracts. And it seems like you’re doing this all at once. You’re lost in the trees and blind to the forest.

The heart of success is figuring out what gets you the best results. You hear about business planning techniques that can help you focus on getting the business results you want. But you procrastinate in implementing them. I know this because I have been there too. It is overwhelming when you need to be the plumber, the accountant, the salesman and the person who delivers the goods. It is hard to make the time to work “on” the business and not work “in” the business. More planning advice is available at www.StepIntoYourFuture.com/teleseminar/

“What’s the story behind the book’s title?”
Rosemary Regier-Hossenlopp: I feel so good when I work with other business owners to help them understand how to tame the things that steal your time. The great thing is that when you focus and produce results, you get to share your story of your products and services with everybody. You meet people who help you connect with others. You play a bigger game. People will recognize your name. You enjoy life. Your sphere of influence grows. You get more opportunities to create alliances with people that you now only dream about.

“What’s specific inspiration changed your life … and why do you feel it had such a ‘mind-shifting’ impact on you?”
Rosemary Regier-Hossenlopp: I believe in easy; an easy way to see what you need to do, and I came up with a quick process that allowed me to identify steps that accelerated my success. You can get more information at www.StepintoYourFuture.com/teleseminar/

Book Summary
As you read Step Into Your Future: Your Path to Profits you’ll discover a powerful map that will guide you on your road to business success. Here are some of things you get to take away from this business planning book:

Chapter One− What’s Your Dream Business?

Identify your ideal life
Improve your sales by understanding where you’re going
Understand the showstoppers to success
Turn off the voice of self-doubt and say, “Yes, this is what I was made for.”
Don’t feel embarrassed because your business doesn’t make you money.

Chapter Two− Catch Your Business Vision on Paper

Present the best “you” to the client to win more sales
Understand that you are your business brand
Actually take a vacation because you have the cash flow
Don’t feel dumb at business events when you can’t communicate your product or service well.

Chapter Three− What Makes Your Business Stand Out from the Crowd?

Discover personal and business values that attract clients
Identify your business priorities
Then you won’t worry about the supposedly urgent, but not critical, things on your to-do list

Chapter Four− Call Out Your Business Reason for Being on Paper

Create a clear picture in clients’ minds of how you serve them
You’ll feel ten pounds thinner and several inches taller when you know your plan of action
You won’t wander off on less important things and give up the success that you would have had if you’d stayed on track

Chapter Five− The Truth About Your Time

Identify key activities needed to increase revenue
Understand the truth of how to get things done
Don’t work on time-wasting activities that can be outsourced or delegated

Chapter Six− Create a Moneymaking System

Increase your confidence in communicating the results you want
Create a moneymaking model to understand your revenues and expenses
Don’t get overwhelmed with math stuff like profit and loss statements

Chapter Seven− State What You Want

Recognize activities that suck away all your profits
Discover how to make key activities measurable
Don’t be vague about the results you want

Chapter Eight− Plan Your Business Results

Confidently share with your friends when you’ll own that new beach house you’ve been dreaming about
Define key operational measures for your business
Don’t lose your business or use up your savings and home equity loans

Chapter Nine− Key Steps to Constructing Your Moneymaking Plan

Learn to go quickly from idea to cash generation
Create the “bread crumbs” for the trail so your staff and vendors can duplicate and implement your best practices
Follow proven steps in creating a plan for critical business activities
You won’t get frustrated with this planning stuff that you aren’t good at

Chapter Ten. Remove Your Obstacles

Transform your business through ongoing evaluation of your blind spots
Your capacity to plan and implement your Personal Business Plan will directly lead to more business and profits

Summary

Most of our success is based on connecting your business with your purpose and passion. Many advisors are needed "for the making of war," according to Proverbs. Business is brutal. Get an advisor, visit Rosemary Regier-Hossenlopp at www.StepIntoYourFuture.com/teleseminar/ to start walking in your path to your future.

See the video at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2BFNaJcDqgI

Marketing vs. Making Solutions Available

2009-02-17T23:21:00.002-07:00

Do you have a talent, gift, product or service that people on this planet can benefit from? If so, why are you holding back and hoarding it rather than making it available to those who need it?

So often I hear women solo-preneurs say, “I just can’t market! It seems too much like tooting my own horn.” But if people don’t know you and your product exist, how can you expect to reach them?

Instead of focusing on yourself, what if you focused on the people who can benefit from your product or service? How can you be a genuine blessing to them?

It is such a joy for me to coach artists, speakers, writers, home-based business owners, mom-preneurs and others to go from “stuck” to “soaring” mode. Sometimes it’s as simple as changing their focus. What is your solution to a challenge someone is experiencing?

I love the Pogo cartoon character’s wisdom when he says, “We have met the enemy and they is us!” Unfortunately, we are often our own worst enemy. We sabotage ourselves with negative self-talk. “I’m not skilled enough…educated enough, tall enough, rich enough…to do what I’d really like to do.” Or we simply don’t let people know how we can help them—often because of our fear of rejection.

In the process of letting our fears rule how we act, we are robbing others of our God-given abilities to make a difference in their lives.

Be authentic, be bold, be a blessing to others and make a significant difference in the world!

Parenting Boys? You need this book!

2009-01-30T15:12:00.004-07:00

NOTE FROM ANITA: I will be giving away a copy of this important book to the first reader who emails me with their snail mail address!

Looking for answers on how to raise boys?
Ever wonder…
· Why can’t he sit still?
· Is he hearing a word I say?
· Why is he angry all the time?

Boys are born to be wild. Their strong spirit, endless imagination, and hunger for adventure are only matched by their deep desire to be affirmed, esteemed, and loved. In their new book Wild Things, therapists Stephen James and David Thomas help parents and educators understand what exactly makes boys tick.

Interview with the authors of Wild Things, Stephen James and David Thomas:

In your last book, How to Hit a Curveball, Grill the Perfect Steak, and Become a Real Man, you addressed a lot of fatherhood issues about rearing boys. How is your new book, Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys, different?
How to Hit a Curveball felt like a perfect introduction to this book. That book challenges men to take a good look at themselves, their experience of being boys themselves and how they were (or weren’t) fathered. We strongly believe that men can’t father well outside of paying attention to their own stories. Whether we like it or not, we are all creatures of habit. We gravitate back toward what we know – good or bad. That book was an invitation to look a little closer at both.

Wild Things is an invitation to take a closer look at your son. This book is a comprehensive look at boy development from birth to young adulthood. In addition to laying out the biology of a boy, we also look at the mind of a boy and the heart of a boy. We break down what a boy needs from his mom and from his dad in every stage of his development. We also hit on all the hot topics surrounding boys, everything from the impact of media to substance abuse, the role of sports, and sex and dating.

The subject of Wild Things was inspired by Maurice Sendak’s classic tale Where the Wild Things Are. Why did you find this theme so appropriate?
If you read closely Sendak’s story, he brilliantly speaks to a boy’s hunger for risk and adventure, how boys crave power and purpose, and how they make sense of the world around them. Sendak’s portrait of boys felt so accurate to the two of us and a unique way of exploring and dissecting a boy’s inner world.

In Wild Things, we borrow from the passion and ethos of Sendak’s book and use that to provide insight and direction for parents, teachers, and mentors in what it means to love a boy well. We also try and give a lot of real life examples from our own lives and from the families we work with in our counseling practices.

You address five key stages that a boy goes through on his journey to becoming a man. What stage is the most difficult for most boys to navigate?
Each of the stages holds unique challenges. We worked hard to break down each stage in a way that is easy to digest. We think that that parents and educators will walk away with a clearer understanding of a boy’s unique design in each stage and some practical ideas in how to care for him within that stage of his development.

In many ways Wild Things is the kind of thing that you don’t just read once. It is more like an entertaining reference guide that parents and teachers can go back to time and time again for encouragement, insight, and direction.

But if we had to identify one stage as the most challenging, though, we’d have to say the Wanderer stage (13-17). This window of a young man’s development is plagued by physical and emotional change. A colleague of mine, who is a pediatrician, said boys in this stage are 98% hormone, which translates to their being so emotional. A part of their developmental agenda is moving toward independence and pulling away. He’s often times the most distant and hard to read in this stage, which greatly complicates the process of letting him go and trusting him with more independence. And it is during this stage that he has the ability to make decisions that will effect the rest of his life. The risks are real and boys in this stage lack the ability to choose wisely with their future in sight.

Both of you are fathers of girls and boys. How is parenting a boy different from parenting a girl?
Parenting boys in the first three stages is just so physical. Parenting boys in these years requires a great deal of physical energy—and a good back. Whereas parenting our daughters is so much more relational and emotional. Both are exhilarating and exhausting, but in different ways.

When I (David) engage my daughter, it’s in sitting in a neighborhood coffee shop talking about her day at school. My boys can sit at the coffee shop long enough to finish a chocolate chip cookie, spill their milk and then we’re kicking a soccer ball across the street at the park.

We talk a lot in the book about boys in motion and how to engage these active, physical beings. Girls need that too, no doubt, but not in the same way boys need it.

We had our families together the other day over at my (Stephen’s) house. At one point all the kids went out in the front yard to play: five boys and two girls in all. There were a number of balls lying around the yard. The boys started playing soccer with one ball and the girls started playing soccer with another. After a few minutes the boys were trying to kick the ball at each other and the girls were off to the side talking to each other. To me that is a great picture of the differences.

What mistakes have parents and educators made in their approach to rearing and training boys?
For me (Stephen) the consistent mistake my wife and I make is that we over explain and over verbalize with our sons. This is a problem that is very common. In parenting boys, adults tend to talk to them and at them a great deal. We talk and talk and talk and end up sounding a lot like Charlie Brown’s teacher. “Whah, whah, whah.” In Wild Things we offer a number of different strategies for engaging and educating boys that better match their unique design. Boys learn through experience and physical repetition. They need consistent firm boundaries and loads of encouragement.

As far as school goes we speak a lot in the book that the compulsory model we use for schooling in the United States is generally well-suited to a girl’s learning style. It’s heavy on verbal and written expression, two particular areas of strength for most girls. It involves a good deal of sitting still for extended periods of time with mostly auditory instruction. These methods don’t match a boy’s way of learning or draw on his learning strengths.

How did you come to the conclusions you discuss in Wild Things?
The book is a combination of science and research, clinical experience (our own as therapists and that of others), and our own journey of parenting five boys between the two of us.

As therapists, we have sat with thousands of men and boys over the years. Our hope was to bring their voices into the content of Wild Things. We have learned so much from the males we’ve had the great honor of working with and hoped to bring their stories into this text. In addition to those, we are still learning so much from living with five of our wild things.

At what age should parents discuss sex, homosexuality, and pornography with their boys?
You may be surprised to hear this answer, but we’d recommend beginning a dialogue around sexuality at the age of two. We aren’t recommending education around homosexuality and pornography at two. That begins typically around age 8-10, possibly earlier or later depending on the boy. But we are strong advocates of a healthy ongoing dialogue with every boy around the design of his body, sexuality, and boundaries in relationships in stage one. We lay out a good portion of this in the book to take some of the guess work out of it for parents, and we recommend some useful resources in further guiding you through this life long discussion. As boys grow older the conversation becomes more specific and more technical. Think of it like painting: it starts with broad brush strokes and then moves to finer detail. But as a rule, it starts way before most parents think it does.

What are the three most important factors in keeping a boy from experimenting with drugs?
We continue to see three common factors among young men that we’ve worked with who either abstain from using substances or experiment and then make a decision not to continue. The first would be a strong faith and core values. The second would be a strong family open to dialogue. The third would be strong relationships.

Who are the most important role models in a boy’s life?
There is no question that a boy’s parents play a foundational role in the man he becomes. In Wild Things we have a chapter that specifically address a mother’s relationship with her son as well as a chapter that addresses a father’s relationship with his son. But it doesn’t stop there for boys. There is great truth to the old African proverb that says “it takes a village.” We talk early in the book about how a boy begins to hunger for other voices and a part of our role is to put them in his way, so that he ends up with this community of individuals who believe in him and hold him up.

What kinds of things can a father do to bond with his son and raise him to be emotionally mature?
One of the first things we’d challenge a dad to do is to pay attention to his own story. That was a central purpose in our book How to Hit a Curve Ball, Grill the Perfect Steak and Become a Real Man: Learning the Lessons our Fathers Never Taught Us. Unless we understand how our stories inform who we are as men, husbands, and fathers, we stand to make a number of significant mistakes with our own sons. So before a man starts making a list of things to “do” with his son, we’d encourage him to start with himself. That step doesn’t involve his son at all, but is one of the most powerful ways to love and care for him.

That step gives way to the second step. In order for a father to raise an emotionally mature young man, he must be an emotionally healthy man himself. A boy desperately needs a dad who has an interior life. Our culture is flooded with emotionally stunted, emotionally damaged males. There’s no shortage there. Men have a responsibility to lead their sons in living from their hearts. Women can’t really teach boys how to do this. Moms can invite it and encourage it, but the action of it must be modeled by a man.

Thirdly, we’d challenge dads to study his son in search of his boy’s definition of enjoyment. That’s different for every boy. We both have a set of twin boys. Two males with identical genetic ingredients and yet the outcome couldn’t be any more different. These guys, born within minutes of one another, have different passions, different strengths, and different longings. And they experience enjoyment in some similar ways as well as some different ways. We are both on a long journey of discovering what that is. Just as soon as we get a handle on it, it can change just as his development does. So it’s a long journey of studying these boys and pursuing their passions and their hearts.

People often talk about the father’s role in teaching a boy to be a man, but a mother’s relationship is important too. What are some mistakes a mother can make?
A mother’s role is so very important. That message is woven throughout Wild Things. There is so much to the answer to this question. You’ll need to read the book to get a comprehensive look at your role throughout his development. We talk a lot with moms about two unique callings within their role, both of which lend themselves to mistakes and potential harm to the mother-son relationship. To boil it down, though, to a couple of things we would say 1) The first is being safe and 2) the second is letting go. We break both of those down in great detail within the book. By being safe we mean a mother's ability to let her son be a boy. By letting go we mean a mother’s willingness to let her boy become a man. We speak a whole lot more to this throughout the book. It’s such a big question, and an important question for moms to consider.

If you could give once piece of advice to parents and educators reading this book, what would it be?
The study of a boy is such a worthwhile use of your time and resources. Boys are complex, imaginative, mysterious, brilliant, challenging, creative, strong, tender, courageous beings—and each is unique. Parenting and educating them is a wonderful, difficult, complex, enjoyable, physical, emotional, delightful, maddening journey. Our hope is that Wild Things is a useful guide along that journey.

If we have to give one piece of advice it would be for parents and educators to continue to invest in their own emotional and spiritual maturity. Growing yourself is the best gift you can give a boy you love.

You’ve gained some valuable advice, but there’s more! If you would like to learn more from these parenting experts about raising boys, you can order a copy of Wild Things through amazon.com.

Based on clinical research, Stephen James and David Thomas have filled Wild Things with practical tips and suggestions for parents. They guide readers through the five stages of a boy’s development, providing an overview and explanation of each stage, followed by a plan to put new principles into action. Pick up a copy today!

David Thomas, M.S.S.W. and Stephen James, M.A., are speakers, authors, and therapists who work directly with boys and their families. They also travel around the country, speaking on parenting and marriage communication, and they have been dynamic guests on CBN’s Living the Life, Good Day Atlanta, WGN Midday News, Moody’s Midday Connection, and other radio programs coast to coast. Learn more at http://www.stephenanddavid.com/.

Be the Best "You" Possible

2009-01-14T00:02:00.001-07:00

Have an attitude of gratitude… Create a gratitude journal…Create an attitude journal…Learn to appreciate what you have…You receive more of whatever you think about most, so think happy thoughts…Happiness comes from appreciating what you have…

Is there a correlation between gratitude and happiness?

We’ve been getting lots of advice in the last few years from the success and happiness gurus about how to live happier lives, but not everyone is hearing the message or taking it to heart, obviously. For the sunny sanguine personality who loves everyone and wants to have a good time in life, this advice probably resonates, but if you’re a serious melancholy personality, it may drive you crazy. If you’re a choleric (get the job done and do it now!) type you just want the Pollyanna’s to “Get Real and get on with it.” The phlegmatics are so laid back they don’t much care what others are saying and just want some peace and quiet.

We come to life’s adventure with different outlooks, but we all play the game one way or another. Some people plan meticulously and others are more spontaneous. Either way, we’re responsible for our decisions—even the ones we make by not taking action. (Not making a decision to do something is a decision to not do it!)

Be intentional. Be pro-active. Don’t let someone else write the story of your life. Be authentic—be the real, best you that’s possible.

Happy 2009! Make it a great year.

Ready to Take the Next Step

2009-01-13T19:44:00.003-07:00

The manuscript has been sent! The Authentic You: Becoming the Woman You Were Created to Be is finished and mailed--reached the publisher Christmas night, according to the USPS. Now I'm waiting to hear about any needed changes and a publication date.

Meanwhile I continue to explore ways to get the word out. My prayer is that this book will help many women to understand their worth in God's eyes and will be able to step boldly into their purpose and passion.

I'm also accepting speaking engagements for 2009, so let me know if your church or other group needs someone to inspire, encourage, and motivate their attendees to live the lives they were created to live!

May 2009 be a great year for you!

Help for Single Moms

2008-12-15T18:43:00.003-07:00

A note from Gail Showalter:
Thank you for the opportunity to share my passion for single mothers. In the United States, alone, there are over ten million mothers raising children alone. Over one third of them live in poverty. After years of being on my own as a mother of three, I came to realize how little is done in our communities and churches for this group of children with absent fathers and women with no husbands. The vast majority does not attend church, but our neighborhoods are filled with single moms.

I’ve created and implemented, along with an eleven member board, a detailed plan for encouraging, inspiring, and blessing single mothers. If you have ever wondered what you could do to make a difference for even one of the moms, this is the answer. It is easy, inexpensive, and exceedingly worthwhile.

Q and A with Gail--

You have established a ministry plan for single mothers. What motivated you to do this?
For sixteen years I was a divorced mother with three children. I was fortunate to have family support and yet the disappointment, emotional pain, and daily difficulties were devastating. I’m happily remarried now for twelve years and my passion for the over ten million single mothers remains strong.

Why do you think a ministry plan is needed?
Single mothers have a difficult time day-in, day-out. I think churches want to provide supportive programs for them, but –though there are some successful ministries—much still needs to be done to minister to single moms. Often what you see on the outside doesn’t reveal the heartache and fear she is experiencing on the inside. Church leaders I’ve spoken with have expressed genuine interest in implementing this plan.

What do you call the ministry?
SMORE for Women. SMORE is an acronym for Spiritual Ministry Offering ReTREATs and Encouragement. Our program assists churches in providing Saturday reTREATs in a home or intimate church environment.

What is the ultimate goal of SMORE for Women?
Our mission is to inspire and encourage women, especially single mothers, to discover and develop their abilities and inner strengths. Ultimately I hope to see churches across the country implement these programs--and in the process develop ongoing programs and activities for single mothers in their communities.

How do you convey this information to church leaders who want to provide a program for single moms?
The plan is laid out in detail in print in a guidebook titled "Encouraging Single Moms to Grow Their Strengths" and with forms on CD’s. I serve as a facilitator when a church implements their first reTREAT.

Tell us why you prefer that the reTREATs be in homes?
Homes provide an intimate, friendly, and non-intimidating environment. Homes also have the amenities for several of the pampering areas. A reTREAT can also take place in a church or other facility.

What do you mean by pampering areas?
At each reTREAT each mom is treated in several areas. Depending on the home, she may use a hot tub or swimming pool. She will receive a brief massage, and even have a quiet private prayer time.

Is there any charge or fee to the church for you as a facilitator?
I am available as a facilitator via long distance conference calls. For as long as I can, I only ask for a love offering which helps sustain my expenses. If I must travel a long distance I ask for travel expenses. AND if a reTREAT date is on the 2009 calendar by January, I will facilitate (via long distance) free of charge. The guidebooks are $20 and each of the Seed Packet booklets for the moms is $10.

What are the costs of implementing a reTREAT?
There is a nominal budget. It is similar to hosting a dinner party. Usually the volunteer hostesses contribute food. Church members donate gifts, and invitations can be printed on a home computer, ordered, or printed at church. The ministry is a collaborative endeavor. Our reTREATs are very small with only six to twelve guests.

Are all reTREATs the same?
No. We have eight themes for encouraging moms to discover her inner strengths.
They are
· Personality Predicaments
· Money Matters
· Bonding and Boundaries
· Job Jump Starts
· Dating Do’s
· Nutrition and Manners Matter
· Family Fun
· Grieving a Loss.

Where can we go for more information about the SMORE for Women ministry?
We have a web site which is http://www.smoreforwomen.org/ and a blog which is http://www.seeinguthrough.wordpress.com/.

A Retreat can be hosted by a small group of compassionate women. The guidebook, "Encouraging Single Mothers to Grow Their Strengths," includes step-by-step guidance for planning and hosting a reTREAT. Once you’ve experienced one Saturday reTREAT filled with joy you will want to plan another and another. In the process you will get acquainted with some remarkable women and you might inspire them as they see Christ in you. Please visit SMORE for Women at http://www.smoreforwomen.org/.

2008-11-17T14:30:00.006-07:00

The One-Year Women’s Friendship Devotional (Tyndale) is the latest book from friends and coauthors Cheri Fuller and Sandra Aldrich. Not only does the text provide a deeper connection to and enjoyment of God and His Word, but it is a wonderful opportunity for today’s busy women to connect with each other as they discuss the short daily devotions and the “To Ponder” questions at the end of each week’s section. Perfect for small groups or two girlfriends meeting over coffee, the devotional also is appropriate for those who prefer individual study,

1. What can women gain from The One-Year Women’s Friendship Devotional?

Sandra: The One-Year Women’s Friendship Devotional is designed for today’s busy woman. Each of the 365 devotions are on one page and contain a daily Scripture, short devotional thought from either Cheri or me and end with an honest prayer and an insightful quote. At the end of each week are questions to ponder individually or talk over with a friend. But beyond the friendship connection is our heavenly Father’s invitation to know more about Him and His living Word.

Cheri: One of the benefits of our One Year devotional is it provides a vehicle to discover your natural rhythm for drawing near to God in a personal and regular way. For right-brained people like me, the structure helps me stay in God’s Word day by day so my roots can grow deeper in Christ. Being a lover of people, I also enjoy exchanging ideas and discussing how a certain verse or story spoke to me, and the weekly questions are ideal for that purpose.

2. Why do you say “His living Word”?

Sandra: God’s Word isn’t just ancient wisdom. Its principles apply to modern challenges such as how to make good decisions, how to get along with those who irritate us, how to handle finances, how to know our heavenly Father on a deeper level. And that is just some of the treasures contained with the pages.

3. What’s the target audience for The One-Year Women’s Friendship Devotional?

Sandra and Cheri: This devotional is written for women of all ages. Some of the illustrations deal with situations young career women face, and some touch a woman’s experience during mid-life. But all age groups will find material that will relate to their life and situations.

4. I understand the need for younger women to develop solid friendships, but why is friendship so vital to women 40-65?

Sandra: Friendship is vital to all age groups. However, women 40-65 often have entered the Empty Nest and/or grandparenting stage of life and need the strength and advice from friends who already have experienced these challenges. In addition, women in this age group tend to be more comfortable with who they are. Not having to prove anything to relatives, friends or even themselves provides remarkable freedom that allows them to encourage others and share the wisdom of their years.

Cheri: Nothing is more refreshing than time spent with a girlfriend, and who doesn’t need that?

A friend can quiet our fears, pray for and with us. We all need friends to laugh with and even travel with (I took my first across the country road trip with my sister Marilyn last summer and it was a blast, and summer before last a great trip to Maine with my two “since teen years” friends). Three of my longtime girlfriends and I celebrate each of our birthdays together—so no matter how busy we are, we get to see each other four times a year. We’ve found enjoying a long lunch out at a fabulous place (and gifts from the other three) really takes the sting out of growing one year older.

5. What are some of the topics covered?

Sandra: The 52 weekly themes cover many issues of a woman’s life, including career challenges, the power of encouragement, joyful living, hearing God above life’s roar, when your childhood family is toxic, faith building, avoiding overload, attitude adjustments, finding your spiritual pathway, dealing with stress, wading through grief, telling and hearing truth, making a difference, dealing with Christmas frenzy, a fresh-brewed prayer life, freedom from fear, and reaching a hurting world.

6. What types of questions are at the end of each week?

Sandra: The four or five questions work well for either journaling or discussion with a friend. For example, the first week of April presents the theme “Loving the Lord and Others.” The questions at the end are:
1) What loving-kindness have you received at a low moment in your life? Who gave it?
2) What encouragement do you try to offer others?
3) When it is most difficult to show love?
4) Have you ever learned a lesson from someone who didn’t know you were watching?

Cheri: We also suggest to the reader she might pick a few of the questions for the week to discuss as she exercise-walks with her walking buddy. Or she can share her responses and thoughts via e-mail with an across-the-miles friend. Reading the same daily devotional with its Scripture, prayer, and devotional thought is bonding and connects our hearts no matter where you and your friend are. You could even share it via webcam or over lunch with a co-worker in the office. The format makes it very versatile and doable.

7. Does the reader need to start reading the devotional on January 1?

Sandra: No. This devotional isn’t about performance; it’s about connections. One of our weekly themes is about guilt, and we don’t want to add more to our readers’ stress-filled lives.

Cheri: One of the helpful facets of The One Year Women’s Friendship Devotional is that you can jump in and start any day, wherever you are—which is very much how God graciously interacts with us. We don’t have to get to a certain place to experience his grace. In this book, there is encouragement, hope, and inspiration for every day of the year—whatever age or stage you are currently in.

8. What’s the biggest challenge to women developing friendships today?

Sandra: Lack of time. And a lack of a sense of community. Today’s women have daily to-do lists as long as their arms. It’s difficult to concentrate on deepening friendships—or even developing them—when our idea of fun is crossing items off that list. Also, those endless lists make us feel alone even in a crowd. Women need each other, but often it takes special effort to form those connections.

Cheri: Recent research shows that 30% of Americans are lonely and often feel isolated. The more hectic life gets, the more we need friends and the encouragement that comes from relationship with God and our sisters in Christ. Our hope is that reading The One Year Women’s Friendship Devotional will energize your spiritual life and your friendships.

Another major challenge we face as women is taking care of so many people that we neglect ourselves and become irritated or burned out. Taking time to refuel spiritually and emotionally is important and the benefits ripple out to our children and family members, job, and all the people our lives touch.

9. You both are busy women. What has been your hardest friendship challenge?

Sandra: Even though most of us do not have our days consumed by cooking meals over a wood-burning stove or washing clothes in a copper kettle in the yard, our schedules still are not our own. Some days it seems as though each minute is controlled by demands from bosses and needs of family, leaving us little time for the soul nourishment friendship provides. The women of my long-ago farm community worked together—canning, quilting and cooking for ill or grieving families. In addition to accomplishing a needed task, they built a friendship fortress that provided an example of how community is supposed to work. I long for those relationships today.

Cheri: When I started speaking and writing, women I knew assumed I was working all the time and stopped calling to go to lunch or play tennis. They thought I was just too busy for fun. But I love people; I’m refreshed by being with people. My heart would dry up and have nothing to say without friendships with women and time with loved ones. So I’m very intentional and initiate getting together with friends.

10. How did you solve your own friendship challenge?

Cheri: Taking time to cultivate friendships is one way I solved my friendship challenge. For example, I call my friend Marcy, who owns a women’s clothing store (she’s beyond busy!) and we go to a chick flick every once and a while. I meet my thirty-two year old daughter Ali for coffee at Starbucks, because she’s one of my dearest adult friends and I want to stay in touch on a heart level. I have a writer-friend in the area, Melanie, and we occasionally get together and encourage each other about our latest book project. Older women friends have been incredible supports for me (since my mom died at 59) and I’ve learned so much from them because they’re farther down the road. Like Patty, who is 80. When I was about to turn 50 and a little down about it, she said, “Cheri, you’re about to enter your ‘Fabulous Fifties.’ The fifties were some of the best years of my life! Enjoy them.” And you know what—they are! How grateful I am for friendships with women!

Sandra: I don’t have that farm community today, but I still need the friendship. Thus, I asked the Lord to provide a friend or two who would understand my intense schedule, accept my down-home personality and provide the honest relationship for which most of us long. Through a series of events, five of us from church began to meet five times a year to celebrate our birthdays. Our little group represented separate ministries, so we scheduled the dinners in our daytimers as though they were important board meetings. Soon, what began as polite meals in which we talked about families and careers, turned into the cautious opening of our hearts and led to an incredible bond. Now, we meet several times a year and are there for each other during life’s challenges. My Birthday Group is a wonderful answer to my prayer asking for a “friend or two.”

11. What’s an example of a devotion in the book?

Sandra: My accounts usually feature one of my young friends facing a challenge or a memory from my Kentucky farm days, which leads to a spiritual point. The following devotion is from June 13:

Carried by Our Father

Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.—1 Peter 5:7

I remember a long-ago night in our Kentucky farm community. I was five years old, and my parents had taken me with them to visit neighbors. By the time we left for home, the stars were already out, and our lane looked long and dark in the moonlight, especially where the thorny blackberry bushes hug over the ditches. Quickly my dad swooped me up and carried me on his strong shoulders. The night was still dark, and the bushes still had thorns, but I felt so safe I fell asleep. There have been many times in my adult life when I’ve been carried by my heavenly Father. And I’ve noticed that though I long to be carried away from the darkness, I’m actually carried through it, just as Daniel was saved in the lion’s den rather than from it (see Daniel 6:16-23). I confess, I don’t like the challenges and trials that often accompany daily human existence. In fact, I’ve often thought I’d like God to say, “Good morning, Sandra. This is what I plan to do today for you and your family. Is that all right?” But, of course, he doesn’t, and I’m left to choose once again whether I will trust him during the scary times. A while back, I was intrigued by the word "care" in 1 Peter 5:7, so I researched it. I discovered that the word can have two meanings: "our worry" and "God’s comfort." The worrying type comes from a Greek word meaning “to divide the mind.” How perfect. My mind is divided when I allow worries, distractions, and anxieties to interfere with my trust that my heavenly Father will carry me past life’s dark ditches and thorny bushes. So what’s my goal? To concentrate less on the situation and more on him. Lord, even though I’m an adult, many times I feel like that little girl facing thorny bushes and deep, scary ditches. Help me to feel your strong arms carrying me to safety. Help me to rest in you.

"God is in His heaven; God is on the throne; God is fully in charge of His world."--J. I. Packer, Theologian and Author

12. Both of you share intense personal accounts. Was it difficult to be so open?

Sandra: Of course it’s difficult to share personal challenges and failures—even triumphs. But those human elements provide encouragement for others who are going through the same situations. Every woman has a story. As we share those stories, we learn from each other. And we grow.

Cheri: When I speak or write, I purpose to be vulnerable and open about my life. There are times I’ve been through a particularly difficult time and said, “God, I don’t understand all this, but if you can use my pain to distill into something that would give hope to another woman—have at it!"

13. Talk about the power of story.

Sandra: We have a perfect example of the power of story as we look to the parables of Jesus. He tucked spiritual points into stories of people and situations His audiences could identify with. And they remembered the lesson because they remembered the stories.

Cheri: Stories are what impacts a heart. Stories are what we remember. The concepts and truths are vital, but I’ve often learned the most from stories of living people I meet, people from the Bible and throughout history—especially missionaries who lived on the edge of adventure, often with no one to depend on but God. So I love to weave stories into the devotionals or other writing I do.

14. You’ve stated what you trust readers will gain from using The One-Year Women’s Friendship Devotional. What did you gain from writing it?

Sandra: I always say I have my master’s degree from Eastern Michigan and my Ph.D. from the School of Hard Knocks. Thus, if I can pass along some of my experiences or those of my wise friends and encourage readers or help them make good decisions, then I am grateful.

Cheri: I enjoyed tremendously the wide variety of themes we got to write about in this book—things that really matter to a woman, like not getting caught in the comparison trap, or how to live with joy and a sense of purpose in a stressed-out world. I loved doing the “Lessons From the Garden” to share some practical life lessons I’ve learned while planting and growing flowers. Hopefully, not only our reader will be blessed by the devotionals Sandra and I have written, but she’ll have fun sharing them with a daughter or daughter-in-law, a next door neighbor, co-worker or friend.

15. What parting words do you have for your readers?

Cheri: Remember that God loves to hear your voice, just as you love to hear the sound of your kids’ or loved ones’ voices—not just once a week on Sunday but throughout your days. And every time we open his Book, the Bible, there’s a gift, a promise, or a truth that will help us learn to live abundantly no matter what we’re facing.

Sandra: Because of the shed blood of Jesus, we have the incredible privilege of stepping directly into the Presence of our heavenly Father through prayer. Years ago, a woman asked the great preacher G. Campbell Morgan if she should pray about everything or just the big things. Morgan answered, “Dear lady, pray about everything. After all, what could possibly be big to God?” I love that. And I love knowing we do not pray to air.

The One-Year Women’s Friendship Devotional provides connection in this fragmented world—connection to other women and, most importantly, connection to our heavenly Father. The quickest way to order it is through amazon.com. For more information about Cheri Fuller or Sandra Aldrich visit their websites at www.cherifuller.com or www.sandraaldrich.com And remember: the heavenly Father is just a whisper away.

Simplify Your Holidays Blog Tour

2008-10-30T15:57:00.005-06:00

Simplify Your Holidays
By Marcia Ramsland, The Organizing Pro National Speaker, Media Guest, and Author of Simplify Your Holidays, A Classic Christmas Planner to Use Year after Year (Thomas Nelson 2008)

Are you looking for a way to simplify the most stressful time of the year? Feeling like it’s impossible to keep up with all the demands of the coming holiday season? Marcia Ramsland, The Organizing Pro and author of Simplify Your Holidays, has found a way to change seasonal stress into intentional success! She believes everyone can find that calm and peace they are looking for.

1. Every year the holidays come around and we face them with mixed emotions. You have a great book title of Simplify Your Holidays, but how do you simplify the holidays?

I love the dictionary definition of “simplify” – “To make something less complicated and therefore easier to do.” I can’t think of a more complicated time in the year than the holidays. Why? Because we are already busy 24/7 and then we add another layer of complexity to our lives – the holiday season.
In my view as a Professional Organizer, simplifying your holidays is all about having a meaningful Christmas without feeling overcommitted or under prepared. And my motto is: If you do anything more than once in life, organize it and simplify it. That’s especially true for the holidays that come year after year like clockwork.
I can’t think of a more complicated time or emotionally challenged season, but I also know you don’t have to stress to get through it.

2. Were you always ready and organized for the holidays?
No way! Before I became “The Organizing Pro” I struggled with holiday pressures big time. I was stuck in the mall shopping for gifts at the last minute, standing in the rain looking for a “real” Christmas tree late in December, and staying up Christmas Eve wrapping presents. That was a stressful life I decided to change, and did years ago. One day I sat down at the kitchen table determined to get control of the season. Looking at my calendar, it suddenly dawned on me -- there was an easy way to manage it all! It all hinged on one date and no, it wasn’t Thanksgiving. Many people, myself included, have used Thanksgiving to trigger serious action steps for Christmas. It just didn’t seem right to commercialize Christmas by purchasing gifts before Thanksgiving. But that’s the problem. Waiting until after Thanksgiving does commercialize the holidays and puts us smack dab in the middle of a mall with throngs of shoppers.

3. So how did you change from frazzled to peaceful… and you now have a beautiful new three ring notebook, Simplify Your Holidays? And Sam’s Club just bought 15,000 of them! Good for you.

My first personal turning point came when I discovered one particular holiday occurs exactly eight weeks before Christmas—and it’s NOT Thanksgiving. It is Halloween. That event is important to note because the next day you can kick off your holiday plan on November 1 every year.
Noting that November 1 is your springboard to begin the holiday season means you have eight weeks until December 25. Now you have a structure to easily organize and prepare—with a good plan. You’re back in control whatever day it is.
Once I figured that out, I found you can organize your holidays no matter how many weeks you have left before Christmas. In my book I have 8-week, 4-week, 2-week calendar plans you can choose to guide you whatever day you start. The Plans are like a “holiday compass” that people use year after year to stay focused and take the stress out of the holidays.

4. What else can you tell us to ease the calendar stress for the holidays?

My second discovery came when I noticed that almost all holiday events landed in three weeks of December right before Christmas. Children’s school parties, the neighborhood cookie exchange, church events, civic symphony concerts, friends’ Open Houses, and an office potluck luncheon the last day before vacation. ALL fell into the last three weeks before Christmas.
No wonder we are stressed trying to buy gifts and partake in the busiest social season of the year. All these things are good, but it’s plain stressful to be listening to the Hallelujah chorus thinking about how many things you have to pick up on the way home and still get on-line to purchase gifts with “expedite shipping” costs involved.

5. Okay, but the thing I dread is going to the attic and basement dealing with all those holiday decorations that take up so much room. What can I do?
My third discovery came when I tried to simplify my holiday decorations after the holidays. It just seemed too much to put it all up so I thought I’d simplify it.
But alas, I found even charities would not accept holiday decorations after December 25. They had nowhere to store them until next year. That was the next discovery – if I store holiday decorations for 11 months of the year, then why do we hesitate about getting them up?
A recent poll showed most people take down their holiday decorations the weekend after New Year’s Day. If that’s the case, what date do we need to put them up to enjoy them for 4-6 weeks? Especially when they are taking up valuable space for 11 months of the year.
The answer? Pick a date (or weekend) to put up your decorations early every year so they can be enjoyed. Typically it’s either the first weekend in December, or even Thanksgiving weekend to be ready to turn the lights on December 1. I found I’m happier the sooner I start and get full enjoyment of them for the season… and give some away each year.

6. Before you give us “10 Tips to Simplify the Holidays,” what’s in your notebook and why is it considered a classic Christmas planner to pull off your shelf and use year after year?

Once I got organized I thought of every woman struggling to pull together meaningful holidays in an already busy life. So I created a hand made notebook years ago which my publisher picked up and is available right now on my website or wherever books are sold. This is a holiday planner you can pull off your bookshelf any time day or night and start the season.
The six tabs inside the three-ring notebook include: The Plan, Gifts, Cards & Decorations, Events, December 1-25 Inspiration, and Recipes. There are almost 200 pages of charts, table talk topics for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year’s, room for photos, and even journal pages of “The Best Things that Happened This Christmas.”
Within those six tabs I’ve sprinkled “10 Tips from 10 Experts” covering things like 10 Money Saving Tips for Holiday Gifts, 10 Super Simple Holiday Décor Tips, 10 Holiday Tips for the Working Woman, 10 Tips to Serve Fabulous Food and Impress Your Guests, 10 Tips for a Successful Event, and 10 Tips to Celebrate and Not Gain Weight!

7. Give us your list of “10 Tips to Simplify the Holidays” especially for the busy woman starting to think about the holidays.
Did you know 75% of our holiday stress falls into three areas: gifts, cards, and decorations? It that’s the case, then let’s find some new ways to make the seasonal activities more manageable.

“10 Tips to Simplify the Holidays”
by Marcia Ramsland, www.OrganizingPro.com

Gifts = 48% of holiday stress. Buy gifts in one major category or theme for the year. For example, women love spa certificates, jewelry, or a luxury robe. Men appreciate sporting event tickets, restaurant certificates, or tools. Family gift themes can be sweaters, CDs, or books. Shop at one mall shop or online store.
Gifts to Mail = Order your gifts on-line and “Ship Direct” to someone else in that household to wrap and hide. Offer to return the favor.
Gift List = Use the same “Gift List” form each year after year, and list people in same order. Keep the list every year to get ideas so you don’t have to wonder “What did I give them already?”
Cards = 13% of holiday stress! To simplify the process from now on computerize your address list and update the address changes easily thereafter. (And keep them in this notebook.) Involve the whole family to stick on the labels, return labels, and stamps. Keep the system simple.
Decorations = 13 % of holiday stress! Sort your decorations early in December so you can give away the excess to a charity or newlyweds that can use them.
Decorations = Take pictures of your holiday decorations in place to put in your Holiday Notebook. This is a good reminder of where everything goes next year and lets anyone help do the job correctly if you are pressed for time.
Time = Decorate holiday events on your calendar with a hand drawn holiday wreath on holiday events. Usually events all fall in the last three weeks before Christmas, so get your gift shopping, decorating, and cards done early.
Time = Stretch your limited social time by attending a Christmas event with friends and getting together beforehand or for dessert afterwards. Multitask two potential nights into one memorable event by planning ahead.
Heart = Purchase a holiday novel like “The Christmas Box” or a holiday devotional book to curl up with each night to get you through the season.
Recap = Jot down in your holiday notebook or a journal “The Best Things that Happened to Me This Christmas.” Write about “This year I enjoyed…” and The Best memory of the season was …” Save this for next year’s encouragement.

Simplify your systems and continue to pare things down until you can easily manage them and enjoy the season. Ask, “What is it I like to do” and “How can I stay ahead of things to enjoy the season more?”

Question 8: Any last words of encouragement for the woman who wants to pull together a meaningful (and peaceful!) holiday season?
This is your year! The Simplify Your Holidays notebook will help you create that organized Thanksgiving and Christmas you’ve dreamed of with all your notes in one place! You’ll love its beautiful red cover, sturdy tabs, and attractive green charts.
To simplify your holidays, manage your time with our holiday plan and keep your notes all in this notebook. You will graduate from seasonal stress to intentional success!

Thanks for having me today. I truly believe you can simplify the coming holiday season and have a more meaningful season than ever!
Marcia Ramsland, The Organizing Pro
Speaker * Author * Media Guest Expert

P.S. Can you simplify your holidays this year? I truly believe so and am eager to know how you do it with my new book, Simplify Your Holidays. Start today by getting your notebook and downloading your FR*EE Master Gift List at http://www.organizingpro.com/

My God Box

2008-10-18T11:44:00.007-06:00

A special opening message from Margaret Iuculano:

I want to thank Anita Lee for taking the time to read My God Box, a memoir about an abusive childhood, but more importantly, on how a mustard seed of faith in God turned around the life of a child. I feel blessed that you are willing to share the book on The Authentic You blog. You are helping to create awareness about a topic that desperately needs to be addressed and has reached epidemic proportions - 500,000 children in the Foster Care System within the US.

Our country is in a crisis with an overloaded Foster Care System and children falling through the cracks daily and being put into homes to provide safety only to be left neglected again. How can we expect these children to become productive adults growing up in this environment? How can we teach these children how to have faith in God and then themselves to correct the wrongs being committed in their lives? How can we help Foster Parents to recognize the difference they can make in a life of a child and the importance of their role? And most importantly, how can we teach to break the Cycle of Abuse so we can shrink the numbers of children going into foster care in the future?

There's a truth I came to realize that changed my life and can change the lives of others. Have Faith in God - put your troubles into his hands and allow him to use you for the purpose you were born for. Once I started to follow this truth in my life I came out of despair to complete happiness and peace. I recognized my ability to help others and the importance of viewing each other as God;s children, people who possess a lot of value and have a mission just like I do for God.

When I began to see that God had a mission for my life, I started to embrace my challenges and learn from them without looking back. I was able to rid myself of the victim mentality and succeed where I was told I never would.

My prayer is that you see the message in My God Box and that it will inspire you to learn to overcome a traumatic experience and more importantly help someone else. I pray that you will agree that all it takes is a mustard seed of faith to realize your God Given potential.

God Bless You, Margaret Iuculano

An interview with Margaret Iuculano, author of My God Box--

How many kids in the U.S. are in foster care?

On any given day the statistics show over 500,000 children in the US in the foster care system. The number has reached an epidemic level which has burdened a system not built or equipped to handle the issues facing these children.

How long do they stay in foster care (on average)?

2.5 years is the average across the US - the federal government has asked the individual states to try and reach a permanency solution for these children within 9 months but unfortunately the system is not equipped to meet this goal.

Do they live with the same foster parents the entire time?

If they are lucky! I personally experienced over 15 different living environments and see the same movement between homes and shelters happening today.

You grew up in foster care - what was your experience like?

My experience was most of the foster parents were not equipped to handle a troubled child who needed help. I was in poverty struck homes as well as abusive homes within the foster care system and these are the homes I advocate against. Children removed from their abusive home environments should not be put into a system that is not providing them a better environment than the home they were removed from.

There are many wonderful foster parents who want to help children. But there are people who take in foster kids for the money - how can that be changed?

Not all, but too many foster parents see their role as a job, not wanting to get too attached to the child as it is a temporary situation, thus making the child feel like a 2nd class citizen. The daily stipend a foster parent receives is not a lot of money but if you take in a few children it can be more than a welfare check.

Do you think there’s enough training for foster parents?

There is not an easy answer to this problem with continual budget cuts within the foster care system but there really can't ever be enough training to learn how to cope with a child who needs help. You can become a foster parent in many states with only a few days of training and a criminal background check. Foster parents need so much more to make them successful.

Is abuse a common problem in foster care?

It is too common and this is due to lack of resources and money to create a system that rewards foster parents based on outcomes versus number of children per day you take in. Local Department of Children and Families needs to be monitoring these children more effectively to eliminate the abuse taking place in these homes. It is not okay to have 1 child abused within the system and this issue needs to be addressed as a priority.

What compelled you to write My God Box?

I feel I was blessed to have found God amid all the pain and misery I endured during my growing years. However, I also feel it’s time to give thanks and give back. I struggled for over two years with doubts and mixed feelings about setting my life in print, but whenever I took a step back, I was energized and encouraged by the awe-inspiring certainty that God wanted me to tell my story—for self-healing, but more importantly to open the minds and hearts of other suffering individuals to the mercy and goodness of God. God is hope. Without God there is no hope. Without hope there is no life.

Who is your target audience?

My God Box is addressed to anyone struggling to overcome the traumas and challenges of a dysfunctional or broken life. It is also for anyone associated with someone living in pain and misery. Furthermore, it is for anyone who wants to live a serene life in harmony with the wishes of their Creator. In other words it is for everyone who seeks happiness and fulfillment for themselves and/or others.

What are some of the stark realities surrounding Foster Care Programs?

The truth is that children are not ‘OK’ just because they have been removed from an abusive home and entrusted to a foster family. Although there are kind, nurturing people enrolled as foster parents, on the flip side there are individuals interested only in the monetary aspects of the program; individuals often just as, if not more dysfunctional, emotionally unstable and abusive than the child’s biological parents. This is one of the reasons why I wrote My God Box—to bring awareness to the plight of foster children—and to hopefully fix the shattered parts of a system in desperate need of repair.

What are your long range goals?

My goal is to promote awareness of childhood abuse by using My God Box as a vehicle to become and advocate for children’s rights. I want to inform and encourage others to join with me to make a difference in the life of an innocent vulnerable child who needs to be protected and defended from society’s evils. I am planning speaking engagements/seminars which will help motivate people to start thinking about making changes in their lives and in the lives of others.

Tell us a little more about yourself.

I am a wife, mother, entrepreneur and children’s rights activist with an unwavering faith in God that has led, leads and will undoubtedly lead me to the successful outcome of all my projects.

Thank you for allowing me to share my book and God’s mission for my life with you. If you would like to learn more about me and my mission please visit - www.margaretlano.com and www.angelsforfosterkids.org and know that 100% of the book proceeds goes to Angles for Foster Children. Please feel free to contact me at anytime.

12,000 Words and Counting

2008-08-27T11:49:00.002-06:00

There are several ways to gain focus in life. One of the best ways, in my opinion, is to receive a book contract with a short deadline! Suddenly, all those things you thought you should be doing get re-evaluated. Do I need to go to that networking meeting or write 4000 words today? Does the laundry need to be done. No, I can still stuff a few things into the basket, so it can wait.

With a signed contract in front of me to keep me going, I write and re-write, trying to find the perfect words to encourage women on their journey of life. The Authentic You: Becoming the Woman You Were Created to Be comes as a result of hearing so many women lament that they don't know what they want to be when they grow up. Some feel their choices are limited. Others have so many choices it paralyzes them. Life is all about making choices.

I choose to write, and I hope my words will inspire others to use their God-given abilities to reach out to others around them.

I love what Madeleine L'Engel says in her book, Walking On Water: Reflections on Faith and Art--
"To work on a book is for me very much the same thing as to pray. Both involve discipline...Inspiration far more often comes during the work than before it, because the largest part of the job of the artist is to listen to the work and to go where it tells him to go. Ultimately, when you are writing, you stop thinking and write what you hear."

So, I'm off to listen and write, listen and write, listen and write--and pray.

Interview with author Roberta Simpson

2008-03-01T11:40:00.004-07:00

Today I want you to meet the delightful author Roberta Simpson. Roberta has written a children's Bible story book, Nana's Bible Stories, with illustrations by Susan Mitchell. It comes with a CD with narration either by Sheila Walsh, speaker with Women of Faith, or actress Jane Seymour.

Anita: Roberta, thanks for agreeing to the interview about your book.

ROBERTA: It is truly an honor to have the opportunity to share some of my personal thoughts and experiences as a new author with you, Anita, and the Authentic You ladies! I am so blessed to see the work you are doing to help and encourage each other!

There are so many gifts lying dormant in the lives of women—just waiting to be discovered or understood. I pray not only that my book, Nana’s Bible Stories will be encouraging to the children in your life—but, also that my personal story will be of encouragement to many of you as you pursue your calling.

Anita: Why did you decide to begin a career at the age of 70?

ROBERTA: I was not looking for a career! I thought that raising 5 children, and being a stay at home mom was career enough! It was as if the “career” found me! It is so exciting, and I love the changes that are happening due to this new career.

I loved being a mother, and one that was able to stay at home. (Actually, it would have been very difficult to find someone to look after five kids!) Although, there were times I would have just loved to shut my eyes, shut my ears and hide for several hours! But really, I would do it all over again. I am so grateful to my husband for letting me be a “stay at home” Mom!

God chose for us to be mothers, and what a wonderful joy it is to have children, no matter how harassed we are or how tired we become. We are raising little armies for Jesus! And how wonderful it is that God continues to use us long after our children are grown!

Anita: Why did you decide to write Nana’s Bible Stories?

ROBERTA: Books are such an important element in a child’s life. Books with stories of the Bible are wonderful, because kids can start at an early age, learning wonderful lessons from this great book. The Bible has more adventure and excitement than any book ever published.

I wanted so much to write stories that were warm, exciting, with the emphasis on how much Jesus loves children, and how He was such a wonderful loving person on this earth, even though He was the Son of God! I wish for children to know how important they are in the Kingdom of God. Jesus was passionate about them and I want kids to be passionate about Him!

Bible literacy is so important! The Bible is the most influential text in all of Western culture – in fact, ninety percent of high school teachers in a 2005 study said that Bible knowledge is critical to a good education. Yet, sadly, the rate of Bible illiteracy among teens entering college is alarmingly high and is severely limiting their ability to understand classic and modern literature, art, music and culture.

Anita: Your personal story is one of obedience. You didn’t plan to become an author. Tell us about some of the challenges you faced from family, friends, etc. on your journey.

ROBERTA: Challenges do come, and they come often. Some years ago, I did a writing seminar, here in Barbados. I remember being so excited, as I did want to write, but up until then, I had only written articles for the newspaper, and a few plays for church.

The gentleman who read and corrected all that I had written scribbled all over them with a nasty little red pen. On the bottom he wrote, “You can’t write!” I shrugged and thought, “I have five kids to raise and I have lots to do, so never mind!” He was a very influential man in Barbados – in fact, he was a well known Pastor! Lesson to be learned in this? When God says you can do it, even a well known Pastor cannot get in the way with his negative comments!

Years later, when I knew God spoke to me about writing, I felt excited and flew home (I mean drove!) and started to write. I believe what was important at that time, was obeying God, and not listening to man!

Friends and especially family have totally encouraged me on my adventure, and this is really special!

Anita: You are a Jewish believer. Do you think your Jewish heritage played a role in the telling of Nana’s Bible Stories?

ROBERTA: Yes, yes, absolutely yes! I always look on the Bible as a Jewish book to begin with. However, my love for Israel and the Jewish people is a big help. I have been to Israel too many times to count, and am in touch with the people and the culture. The land is exquisite, and when I am writing stories, I can picture the people, and the place in which the story takes place.

I do believe that often, we forget Jesus was Jewish, and many things He said and the content of the stories He told were very Jewish.

I have worked closely with the illustrator, Susan Mitchell, who was wonderful illustrator for my book. It was great fun inspiring her with pictures and describing the people as she brought Israel to life through her illustrations. I think she did a great job, in color and characters!

Anita: Sarah Ferguson, the Duchess of York, wrote the foreword for Nana’s Bible Stories. Tell us how she became involved in your work.

ROBERTA: My husband and I have been friends with Prince Andrew for many years and were invited to Fergie and Andrew’s wedding.

We met Sarah the evening before the wedding and soon after they came to Barbados for a short holiday. Even though we do not see each other often, we have remained friends through the years.

I was speaking to her one day, after I had started writing my book. I asked her about the illustrator she used for one of her books, as I loved the illustrations. She was very kind, and really enjoyed my stories. She told me that when I was ready to publish she would write a foreword for my book. I am very grateful for this, and appreciate very much her offering to do this for me.

Anita: You are “Lady” Roberta Simpson. How did you receive that title?

ROBERTA: Actually, I did not receive the title. My husband received a title and was knighted. As a result he is titled Sir Kyffin Simpson, and I am Lady Simpson.

Anita: What words of encouragement would you give to other women who have been stay at home Moms, but now have the time and want to use their gifts and talents to start a career or business? Is it ever too late?

ROBERTA: Well, first of all, it is never too late. So I say to all you wonderful Moms, go girl go! I say God has placed wonderful gifts inside of you, which some of you may or may not be aware.

I did not know I had books inside of me! So I know God will take some of you by surprise. He will take you on a great adventure! Some of you know already what you want to do, and have obvious gifts that others can see.

Just give your life over to Him in a new way, and ask Him how to proceed in your new career. He will answer you!

Thank you for allowing me to share a part of my life and calling with you. If you would like to learn more about me or my book, please go to www.nanasbiblestories.com. You may download one of my favorite stories, The Butterfly and the Cross—the story of the crucifixion as told through the gentle and tender eyes of a butterfly. I have also included a special devotional for the story which you may share with your children this Easter season. Cuddle up with a child and enjoy!

Anita: And thank you, Roberta, for sharing with us today.

Interview with Victorya Michaels

2008-02-16T15:44:00.006-07:00

There are so many women who seem to have it “together” in all areas of their life— except for their love life. Yet part of finding and being the “authentic you” may include finding someone with whom to have a loving relationship.

I recently had an opportunity to have an interview with dating coach and former Hollywood Agent, Victorya Michaels Rogers to ask her some of her secrets to succeeding at one of the most anxiety filled parts of life—dating. Here are her answers inspired from her latest book, THE AUTOMATIC 2nd DATE.

ANITA: Victorya, in your latest book you say you went on over 100 first dates and 98% asked you out for a 2nd! Were you just a natural at dating or was there a point in your dating life where things dramatically changed to gain that high percentage?

VICTORYA: I was NOT a natural at dating. They don’t teach you how to date in school. Sure I had my share of 1st dates, but I didn’t have my first BOYFRIEND until I was 21! It wasn’t until utter frustration at 23 that I decided to really study the art of dating. I read every dating book on the shelves and observed successful couples and watched the celebrities around me since I was in Hollywood. I learned the walk and the talk and finally men took notice, asked me out and the 2nd dates began to become automatic.

ANITA: What are some definite “Do’s” to keep in mind on first dates?

VICTORYA: Here are my five top “Do’s" aside from looking at your date: 1) Look your best, 2) Put your best self forward, 3) laugh with him, 4) flatter him, and especially 5) listen to him. As I said, I always recommend asking your date a lot of questions about him then truly listening to his answers. Like every other human being, he is his own favorite subject, so he’ll be sure to have a great time and besides you WANT the information he reveals so you can figure out if you two are a match long before you are emotionally involved.

ANITA: In Automatic 2nd Date you recommend asking lots of questions. You even give us 100 potential questions. How do we avoid turning it into an interview or worse, an interrogation?

VICTORYA: To keep questions from sounding like an interrogation listen to his answers to your questions and go from there. You’re guiding the conversation, not dictating it. If you genuinely stay tuned in and listen to him, then the questions that come to your mind will help the conversation flow naturally and you will draw him to you. One of the easiest ways to get a 2nd date is to be genuinely interested in what your date has to say! Everyone wants to be heard. When you listen he will feel understood and he will want to see you again. So offer your undivided attention, look him in the eye, ask relevant questions, and be sure to laugh at his jokes!

ANITA: Are there any definite “First Date Don’ts” to ensure a 2nd date?

VICTORYA: Ha, there are definitely some First Date Don’ts! 1st dates are about holding back. Use RESTRAINT and self control across the board if you want your first date to become a 2nd date. That goes for whatever you say and whatever you do. Here are my top 7 Don’ts for First Dates.
--Don’t dress sleazy
--Don’t talk too much
--Don’t go off on past relationships
--Don’t reveal hatred for the male species
--Don’t expose enormous debt
--Don’t tell him he’s THE ONE
And definitely
--Don’t put out on that first date!

ANITA: What would you say to someone who went on a date, thought everything was perfect, yet never received a call back for a second date?

VICTORYA: If you haven’t heard back from your date within a couple of weeks, even if you were convinced it went wonderfully, think back about that evening. Did you really have anything in common? Did you talk too much about yourself? Did you “go too far” physically to the extent that you felt a little guilty the next day? Did you act too needy, too pushy, too bossy, too snotty or too boring? If any of this is the case, your date may have been scared away and wouldn’t tell you even if you asked. Don’t be too hard on yourself, though; just let it go. It was only one date and if he’s gone, that person wasn’t meant for you. At least by reviewing it honestly in your mind, you may be able to learn what to do on your next first date.
ANITA: Thanks for these insights to dating. Where can our audience get your book as well as more dating tips?

VICTORYA: Thanks for having me. Yes, my website has a lot of additional tips and advice for single women! Check it out-- it’s http://www.mantokeep.com/. You can also order my books and learn about my coaching program. I hope I have helped you begin to see that dating does NOT have to be overwhelming, scary and stressful. In fact, believe it or not, you can actually enjoy the process if you take the time to find out what you REALLY want in a man, sharpen your dating skills and take risks. There is so much information I’d love to impart to you to make dating less anxiety filled, so feel free to visit my site anytime and/or check out my book The Automatic 2nd Date. Victorya Michaels Rogers, Dating Coach, Author of The Automatic 2nd Date

Become the Person You Were Created to Be

2008-01-26T23:10:00.000-07:00

I'm excited about the interviews lined up for the next few months for this blog. As CEO of Authentic Success, LLC, I'm always looking for ways to encourage people to think big, step out of their comfort zones, and become the persons they were created to be. It's helpful to hear the stories of others who are doing that.

Several authors will be joining me to tell about their new books, professional speakers will tell how they get booked to speak, and I'll throw in some ideas from my experience as a personal life coach to get you moving down the path you choose for your life.

TIP: Are you a creative type who has trouble focusing on one thing? Do you see too many possibilities or needs and can't decide which thing to do first? Try putting each idea on a separate index card then prioritize the cards. Concentrate only on the top card until that task is completed. Add new cards as opportunities present themselves and re-prioritize as needed.

I always enjoy hearing from you, so drop me a line!

Chasing Rainbows

2007-11-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

We descended the stairs together holding hands (I'm still not comfortable with 2 1/2-year-old Abby going it alone), when she stopped suddenly.

"Lookit! Lookit!" she cried, pointing to the streak of refracted light splashed across the champagne-colored carpet below, "I'll go pick it up!"

I laughed as she bounded down the stairs, pulling me after her. She bent over and reached for the bar of rainbow-light, trying again and again to pick it up. I explained that it was not an object on the floor to pick up, but that light shining through the glass at a certain angle caused he phenomenon.

Are we adults guilty of a similar quest? As we travel along the path we've chosen for our lives, we may be distracted from the real--the authentic--for the bright shining object that catches our attention. We try to capture the exciting ray while neglecting the goals we've already set. Without focus, we dart here and there after whatever looks good at the moment.

I love color. I love shining objects. Because of that, both metaphorically and literally, I have to examine carefully what is available to me before making a choice. That choice needs to be, not just for what is good, but for what is best--for what is authentic.

Authentic Parenting

2007-08-13T16:20:00.000-06:00

I first “met” author Mary DeMuth on The Christian Writers View list several years ago, before she and her family left for France as missionaries, then followed their adventures during that two-year period. Since we had taken our 7- and 8-year old children to China for a year back in the 1980’s, I empathized with Mary’s heartache as her children struggled with adjusting to a new culture.

Now, out of that experience, Mary has written a book that will be helpful to Christian parents trying to rear their children in a changing world.

These questions were recently put to Mary:

What inspired you to write Authentic Parenting in a Postmodern Culture?
I don’t parent perfectly. But, we did live through two and half years in France, the hotbed of hyper-postmodernity. We had to learn how to parent our kids in that culture. It occurred to me that the things we learned would be helpful to American parents too.

For Christian parents who might be put off by the term “postmodernism,” why is this book relevant?
The question for parents is how will we mine the current worldview, even as it shifts? What in it can we embrace as biblical? What is not biblical? What I’ve seen in the church is a fearful adherence to what is familiar. So we cling to modern ideas, even though they may not be biblical and shun postmodern ideas even when they might be biblical. Our children will meet this shifting worldview no matter what our opinion of it is.

What are some things we can do to help our children as they grow up in a world that doesn’t reflect our beliefs?
Create a haven for your kids, an oasis in your home that protects, supports, and gives kids space to be themselves. Take seriously the mandate that you are responsible for the soul-nurturing of your children.
Teach your children to joyfully engage their world, while holding tightly to Jesus’ hand. Teaching this comes primarily from modeling it in your own life. Do you engage your neighbors? Are you more interested in God’s kingdom than your own?

What are some of your own concerns about postmodernism?
I happen to believe in absolute truth, so that’s a problem! But more than that, I worry that all our rambling about it, trying to discern what it is, has caused us to rely more heavily on our own intellectual pursuit of God than our heart. When I get caught up in that, I remind myself of my friend Jeanne’s son Jacob, whose heart after Jesus takes my breath away. Living with a brain injury, Jacob throws off pretense as he worships God, arms vaulted to the sky in unashamed heart worship. That’s the kind of believer I want to be. That’s the kind of heart I want. I love this verse: “But I am afraid that, as the serpent deceived Eve by his craftiness, your minds will be led astray from the simplicity and purity of devotion to Christ” (2 Corinthians 11:3). For me, for my children, that’s my prayer, that we’d be simply and purely devoted to Jesus no matter what worldview we find ourselves in.

For a copy of Mary’s book, go to http://relevantblog.blogspot.com/ (and tell her I sent you!)

Chasing Authenticity

2007-07-25T23:07:00.000-06:00

To be authentic takes honest introspection. Introspection takes time and quiet.
In our fast-paced society we leave little time for reflection. For many people life hits them in the face, and they are too busy reacting to take time to ask themselves if they are in the right place, doing the right thing, relating to the right people.

“Is this the authentic me?” This is a question too few of us ask, or if we ask it, we don’t remain still long enough to find the answer.

Prayer and meditation help us move toward more balanced lives. As we begin to know ourselves better —our talents, gifts, and abilities—we can see which things need to be released and which ones should be retained in our lives.

Many of us wait too long before choosing prayer as an option. When calamity strikes, we automatically turn to prayer, even if it’s not usually a part of our lives. In addition to offering up the desperate prayers of our anguished souls, we need to learn to sit quietly before God and listen for the “still small voice.”

When the Old Testament prophet Elijah forgot God was in charge, he went from a strong, larger-than-life figure to a cowering, pathetic creature, fearing for his life. (1 Kings 19:3-4)

I do the same thing. I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not in this life alone. I don’t have to make big decisions alone. I don’t have to write books and hope to get them published alone. I can turn to God and ask for help, comfort, wisdom—all the things I need to make life what it should be.

How about you? Is it time to admit you can’t do life on your own? Time to release those things that you just can’t do and embrace what you were intended to do? Time to let go of the person you think others expect you to be for the person you were created to be?

Take some time to reflect quietly. Take lots of time to reflect quietly. Thank God for the abundance all around you and ask for guidance in being a part of God’s kingdom right now, right here. You may find that you don’t have to chase authenticity. Like an elusive butterfly, it may land on your shoulder when you are still and quiet.

Shhh…listen...live fully!

Passion, Purpose, and Promise for the Christian

2007-06-26T16:08:00.000-06:00

Open almost any magazine these days and it seems you are faced with questions about passion and purpose.

Why have books like Rick Warren’s Purpose Driven Life spawned a slew of other books and magazine articles? Why has the idea of purpose resonated so deeply?

And check the internet. Google will supply you with almost 80,000 entries for life coaching and coaches who can help you reach a deeper level of understanding of who you are and what you should be doing to experience a fulfilled life.

Have we suddenly become desperate to make our lives count or do we, as the most privileged people on earth, just want more of everything and can’t stand the thought of not having wrung the last drop out of existence? We leave nothing to chance and are ready to make drastic changes to grasp what life can offer. We’ve gone from “Bloom where you’re planted” to “Plant yourself where you can bloom”?

And what do we do with the guilt if we don’t have one overarching, bigger-than-life passion? What if we seem to have no massive purpose in life--at least not one that other people recognize?

First, if we call ourselves Christians—Christ followers—we look to Jesus and his teachings for answers.

To live authentically, we can turn to Ephesians 1:11. In the version called The Message, it says: “It’s in Christ that we find out who we are and what we are living for…”

As we study scripture we find Jesus calling his believers to follow him, to love others, to take care of the poor, to go and make other disciples. We have been given mandates, and that gives us purpose.

In living out that purpose—passionately—we are promised abundant life.

Priorities

2007-04-22T20:10:00.000-06:00

For many people the secret to getting the right things done in life is to create a “to-do” list and prioritize the items on it. Call it “putting the big rocks in first”—if you’re familiar with that story—or label it “My way of conquering the tyranny of the urgent” if that’s more to your liking.

However, not everyone operates the same way. Knowing yourself and understanding your personality/temperament can give you clues about how to prioritize your list. Some personality types work best by doing the hated jobs first before rewarding themselves with the things they enjoy more. Some prefer to do the smaller, quicker jobs first to get them out of the way before tackling the big ones. While others might always work on the most important, biggest items until they’re done before even considering other tasks.

Of course a lot depends on whether you’re working for someone else or for yourself. The choice of when to do which task may not be yours. If that’s the case, knowing who you are authentically can help you approach duties that you must do but don’t look forward to. See if reframing the incident will help you deal with it. Instead of thinking about it as a task you hate, think of it as an opportunity to advance in your job. See what you can learn from the experience. Or if it helps, plan to reward yourself after doing something you dislike. Finish that report then head to Starbucks. Or on the home front, if you hate chores like ironing clothes as I do, plan in advance what you will do for fun after you’ve pressed the wrinkles out of your life. Just looking ahead to something pleasant can make the difficult task go faster.

When it’s O.K. to be a Quitter

2007-01-16T13:02:00.000-07:00

As I look over my list of major steps of faith taken, I notice several things start with “quit my job at XXX to do…” or “resigned from XXX committee to do ...”

To become the Authentic You, you may need to re-examine your values and see if there are interpretations of those values that keep you from becoming all you were created to be. If one of your values is “to finish what I start” or “to never give up,” take a close look to see if they are working for your good and the good of those around you. Perseverance is a worthy trait, but if perseverance has become “slogging along at something you hate and is taking too much time from your family” take a look at what you’re doing and why.

Are you working in a volunteer position that has you dragging to the site with little energy to do what is required? Examine that use of your time to see if you are working against your own interests, gifts, and abilities.

“But no one else would volunteer to do it,” you protest.

A very wise man once advised a group of young parents attending his time management seminar, “If no one else will do it, maybe it doesn’t need to be done.”

Sometimes we need to look carefully and see if it is a necessary task or just one that’s “always been done this way.”

You can’t do it all. Knowing your own strengths and weaknesses and the needs of your personality type or temperament is crucial to deciding how to use your discretionary time. (I can help you with that!) Learning to say “No,” even to good things, can free up time to do the best things—the things you are called to do.

NEXT: When Your Job is Your Enemy

The Authentic You

2006-11-18T20:17:00.000-07:00

11/17/06
Becoming More Than We Are Now

“It takes so little to be above average.” Florence Littauer

We forget, sometimes, that what we think permeates our being to become who we are. What we think about our bodies. What we think about our minds. What we think about our pasts. What we think about our futures.

If we’re not careful, we will limit ourselves and those around us, settling for less than what we could be. If we are caught up in what is and what always has been true for our lives and fail to see the possibilities—the “what could be”—we live diminished lives. We think small and are afraid to reach for more. Like hermit crabs, we may feel scrunched up in tiny shells, but afraid to step out of the comfort of the snug, familiar surroundings.

God calls us to stretch beyond who we are today. When we embrace this calling we become alive to new possibilities and are able to give so much more to those around us. We go from mere existence to abundant life—authentic, abundant life.

"Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will" Romans 12:2

A God Beyond Imagining

2006-09-07T01:40:00.000-06:00

September 5, 2006

From Cindy Crosby’s By Willoway Brook:

"Give me God beyond my imagining, Not a God that I completely understand and can explain, but a God whose depths cannot be fathomed. A God who dreams up the idea of a green caterpillar that would eat leaves, spin a chrysalis and burst from it as an insect with powdered, tissue-thin orange and black wings that soak up sunlight like solar energy panels. A God who gives this butterfly an unerring instinct to warm itself and lift off on a breeze, heading for a home it instinctively longs for, yet knows is there only by faith."

We do ourselves a great disservice when we decide to believe in only what we can see and understand. We wonder if there is really a God who loves us—one who cares about mankind. And because we cannot touch this God and cannot understand how God works, we suspect that the whole idea is preposterous.

We cannot touch God but can be touched by God. We cannot understand God but can understand our need for something beyond ourselves.

We look into our mirrors, examine our reflection, and think we know ourselves. We decide we’re too old, too young, too fat, too thin, too poor, too… Then something inspires us to look homeward—to look God-ward—for a truer assessment of who we are. Hope is rekindled. Our energy is renewed. There is work to be done, discoveries to be made.

“The place where our experience of God as real converges with our experience of who we really are, is the place in which we will discover the spiritual center of our lives.”

Kimberly Dunham Reisman
The Christ Centered Woman: Finding Balance in a World of Extremes

It’s Me (again) Standing in the Need of Prayer

2006-07-21T15:57:00.000-06:00

I’m not very good at keeping a daily journal, but at times I’ve kept prayer journals (and probably should all the time). Later, I’ve marveled at the answered prayers and clear hand of God that is evident when I look back over the things I’ve prayed about. Some of these prayers came during difficult times of making life-changing decisions. Other prayers were concerned with small irritants that I voiced to God after they wouldn’t go away. And no, not all of my prayers had the answers I wanted, nor have I seen obvious answers to everything I’ve prayed about. However, I continue to learn and I ask God to teach me to pray effectively.

My life has been so full of “faith steps” followed by abundant blessings, it should be easy for me to trust God whenever there is trouble threatening or when changes are on the horizon. However, like Moses’ followers in the desert, I forget the wonderful things God has done in my life in the past or I fear that this time will be different. This time I will be on my own and God will not guide me to safe haven. Or I think that maybe those other times of blessing—all of them—were flukes, coincidences.

How about you? Do you pray for God’s guidance, then doubt that God has heard? Do you praise God when things happen that are even better than you expected, or do you just feel relief that things have worked out all right, not even realizing that it was an answer to your prayer?

Prayer can take many different forms, depending on our needs and circumstances. Cindy Crosby, in her book, By Willoway Brook, says: “When I die, I want to know I have paid attention. To have read creation’s journal from cover to cover, and not skimmed the pages. Spent my summer days counting dragonflies, following them across the brook, learning their zig-zag pathways by heart. Made contact with something bigger than myself…Isn’t that what prayer is? Paying attention? Making room for what will come?”

If we are to be authentic in our daily lives and in relationship with God, how does that play out? Can we tune our hearts to better hear His voice?

Take some time soon to make contact with your Creator, “making room for what will come.” Ask God to clear away the things that are keeping you from being your most authentic self and to give you the courage to become the woman you were created to be.

The Authentic You

2006-07-05T21:59:00.000-06:00

The Authentic You
Becoming the Woman You Were Created to Be

What is keeping you from becoming the woman you were created to be? Is it fear, guilt, indecision, procrastination, or some other malady that holds you back from living a life of vigor and creativity?

What would it take to move you from where you are to where you want to be? Or perhaps you don’t even know where you would like to be—who you would like to be—but you’re sure you’re not there yet.

As you mature physically and emotionally, is your spiritual life keeping up or has it stagnated? Do you hunger to be more than you are, but wonder what to do with your longings? Have you learned to listen to God’s voice?

“For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” (Jeremiah 29:11)

Many times I’ve struggled when tying to make big decisions, crying out to God, “I’m ready for the handwriting on the wall! I just don’t know what to do.” However, as I look back on all the life-changing decisions that we’ve made in our family, we’ve always had a sense of what to do—eventually. Maybe God’s way of getting us ready for a change is to give us a problem, but not supply the answer until we’ve grappled with it for awhile.

Are you ready for a life-changing adventure? Ready to break out of your rut of others’ expectations and become the authentic you?

Join me as we explore ways to embrace our God-given dreams, our gifts, and our abilities. And let me hear from you. Share how you are growing in authenticity.